TRYING TO SEE DEAD PEOPLE

Paranormal societies and ghost hunter groups are popping up all over. Unlike the tortured little boy in the movie the Sixth Sense who sees apparitions of the dead unintentionally, these people are going out and daily trying to stir up haunts from the other side. Personally, I think flirting with the dead is only asking for an accelerated means to join them. Just so we understand each other, I believe in ghosts, I’ve seen them. This does not mean that I want to encourage their presence into my everyday life. Scaring myself on purpose just is not fun. Now to the crux of things. Due to the popularity of TV shows like Ghost Whisperer and Sci-fi’s Ghost Hunters, paranormal societies all around the country are seeing a boom in membership. Yes everybody seems to want to know what goes on in the mind of a dead person. “Ghost reality shows have really opened the door for people to get involved themselves,” said James Willis, founder of The Ghosts of Ohio. Yep, the more the merrier. Apparently ghosts love a party. Forty of the 60 people who attended a recent dinner in Erie, Pa., that featured the Paranormal Study and Research Group asked if they could join the group or tag along on ghost hunts. A year earlier, only two or three asked to be involved after a similar event. Do ghosts like crowds? “Just thought I’d stop by to let you know I’m real. Got a cocktail?” Yea right. “We’re actually grateful for Ghost Hunters because instead of being a bunch of freaks, we’re like the cool people on TV,” founder Pat Jones said. “People used to look at us like we were absolutely insane, and now they want to come along with us. It’s almost like every day is Halloween.” Is that what this is about, not being considered flakes anymore, the endless search for credibility of the intangible. I know you were the kid that got beat up in school and now someone is paying attention to you in a way that doesn’t cause physical pain. Let’s see, I can go to Wal-mart, grab a video camera, throw up a website for a couple of bucks, call myself “Seekers of the Unknown, (Ya like that? Has a ring to it doesn’t it?) then run around in old houses and graveyards video taping nothing and hoping for something. If paint falls off the wall, I have ghostly activity. Cool. YouTube here I come. I can start my own channel, Spirits 24/7. “If you want to be taken seriously in this field, you have to acknowledge that some of the stuff out there is not real,” says Willis. So even if I get a video with nothing, it’s cool, because you don’t actually have to have ghosts to be a ghost hunter. Wow, sounds like a win win to me. This is almost too easy. And you get money for this? Yep, guest appearances, conventions, TV shows, elite memberships, sort of like the league of extraordinary ghost guys. Ghosts R Us, here I come. Next thing you know we will have someone going to the Denver City Council trying to get a commission on dealing with all the ghosts in town like Jeff Peckman is for UFOs. See previous blog.
http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2008/05/28/5696391-ap.html

ROBOTS TO STIR SOUP

In Britain a $2 million dollar grant has been awarded to a company to develop a robot that can stir soup. Why does this seem stupid to me? It is funded by the European Commission and they feel it is a way to introduce robots into the service industry. I guess Americans aren’t the only ones that have to deal with government waste. Besides, aren’t these jobs supposed to be done by illegal immigrants? Bristol Robotics Lab in England is the lucky winner of the cash. "It will specifically look at the problems of a human and a robot working together in the same space, for example in a kitchen where the service robot is performing a task such as stirring soup, while you add cream." Let’s see, the economy is going into the toilet, unemployment is everywhere and you’re going to develop a robot that helps take away the few jobs that are out there. Am I missing something here? Why can’t we develop a robot that maybe runs into burning buildings or searches for earthquake victims? “Excuse me, call in Robby the Robot, soup’s on.” Lab director Professor Chris Melhuish explained: "When we interact with other humans we are interpreting facial expression, body position, gestures, tone of voice as well as sharing a goal and understanding and following verbal instructions. For example in the soup situation, not only does the robot need to know what the goal is but he also needs to know how hard to stir the soup, what it means when you hold up your hand to say enough, to interpret the look of pain on your face if you accidentally get splashed with hot soup, and to stop stirring when told. This project aims to develop the rules we need to introduce this level of sophistication into service robots who are working closely with people." Ok, I’m beginning to detect some issues here. Somebody doesn’t like working with people. Man, you need to get out more. Have you thought of dating. Is the soup bad in England? I mean, c’mon, you eat pickled eels and serve coffee (civit coffee) made from cat poop. How good can your cuisine be? The only thing palatable in England is the beer and that’s got alcohol to sterilize it. Just what I need is a robot bringing me my meal that whines like C3PO. “Oh my, I can speak 1000 languages and I’m stirring soup. R2, don’t touch that. R2 don’t go in there. Oh my no you’ve done it, the soup’s scorched.” What about the customers? “Oh waiter, there’s a microprocessor in my soup.” Robotic research fine. A robot to stir my soup? Get a real project.
http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=147434&in_page_id=2

COP BUSTED FOR PARKING IN HANDICAPPED AT DONUT SHOP

Have you ever thought, hmm. I’ll only be a minute so I’ll just grab the handicapped spot? Sure, you have. You may not have done it, but you’ve thought it. In Missassauga, Ontario a police officer thought that and got caught. He decided to run into a Tim Horton’s coffee and donut shop, grab a cup of coffee and a sweet treat and run right back out. No problem right? Just as he ran in, a double amputee from Sault Sainte Marie, Canada pulls up. "I was shocked," said Gerard Taylor, "I said, 'Quick, we have got to get a picture.'" This was one cop that was in the wrong place at the wrong time. We all know that coffee and donuts is a high priority for these guys. Lesson for the day: I have to admit, I live on the Canadian border, Tim Horton’s coffee is awesome, but certainly a 20-foot walk probably would have done this cop some good. It’s called exercise. Yes, you too can get off you butt and actually get your blood moving for about 30 seconds in prelude to that cholesterol laden taste treat that you’re about to stuff in your head. According to Taylor the cop was only there for a couple of minutes, he thinks someone told him he’d been caught, but it’s the principle of the thing that has him irked. There’s nothing worse than caught in the act. "He was only parked there for 90 seconds because I think someone told him about us snickering and talking about taking a picture, so he left without even a coffee in hand," he said. "Still, that is 90 seconds of a handicapped person's life that is already hard enough. It's the principle." Only time will tell if the police department will actually do something with this lazy cop, especially now that it’s made the news with a picture and they are publicly embarrassed. Taylor calls himself one of the unofficial “accessibility police.” He lurks about just waiting for those moments of “I’ll just be a minute.” Yes in this day and age of cellphones with cameras, compact video recorders and the like, you’d better watch yourself. Those handicapped spots are under surveillance. The Accessibility Police will get you. Even if you are the police. Beware the temptation of the handicapped spot.

http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2008/05/24/5658436-sun.html

PILOT AND STEWARDESS' NIGHT OF DRUNKEN DEBAUCHERY GOES BAD

We’ve all heard about the pilot and stewardess tales, flitting from one destination to the other having affairs on their layovers and in general partying in all of those wonderful exotic locations. This story shatters that dreamy idyllic illusion. Yes there are a million stories with the naked pilots, this is one of them. In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, so much for the exotic location, Jeffery Paul Bradford and Adrianna Grace Connor, gotta love the names though, both employees of Pinnacle Airlines were having dinner at a diner. It had been a long night of drinking and partying. Their evening was not over. Pheromones were thick, as was the overwhelming urge of alcohol so they decided to take a walk in the woods. Somehow, it’s not really clear when, either during or after satisfying their carnal urges to two became separated from each other and their clothes. Oh horror, naked white people are running loose in the Pennsylvania woods. Yes, they were lost. People in the neighborhood summoned police at about 9:30 pm saying they had seen a naked man and an intoxicated woman wandering about. That’s when they called in the helicopter with the heat seeking equipment, the search was on. Bradford was discovered hiding behind a shed shortly before midnight. Connor was picked up after she had stolen someone’s car. “We just wanted to do it in the woods.” Was all they had to say for themselves. They did it alright. Bradford is being charged with indecent exposure, public drunkenness, and other unspecified charges. Connor is charged with theft of a motor vehicle, public drunkenness, and other minor offences including the theft of a flashlight from a neighbor’s car. Yes, our story ends with one bit of advice, if your’e going into the woods, take a compass stupid. Or better yet get a room. It’ll keep the dirt out of your butt. And your name off the internet.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080520/ap_on_fe_st/odd_naked_pilot

THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE TASERED

In Boulder, Colorado, two men stood looking at each other, staring into one another’s eyes, waiting for the other to draw. Cue music from old Clint Eastwood, spaghetti western. Our story begins with a dispute. They always do. Harvey Epstein, a restaurant owner and Casey Dane, a supervisor for Security Services Inc. got into an argument over a metal boot that had been placed on one of the restaurant employee’s van. Showdown! Dane told police he was afraid Epstein was going to hit him with a 60 centimetre-long pair of bolt cutters. Epstein told police he had only tried to remove the boot with the bolt cutters and hadn't threatened anyone with them. Epstein told police Dane put his hand on a holstered pistol and threatened to shoot him. Dane told The Associated Press by telephone that he did put his hand on the holstered pistol but never threatened to shoot Epstein. Have we sorted this all out yet? No, the best is yet to come. The two had a standoff. They stared into each other’s eyes. Then they drew… tasers. Both hit their mark. Both twitched uncontrollably. Both went down. “They shot each other,” said Police Sgt. Pat Wyton. “It was just kind of a bonehead deal.” Neither men needed medical attention. The security guard says that the van was parked in an area he was to patrol. The employees says it wasn’t. So the argument rages on. Could we get a sequel? A Fistful of Tasers? For a Few Tasers More? Maybe we could talk Clint into doing a guest tasering. Hmmm, this has possibilities.
http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2008/05/18/5606121-ap.html

GAMER BOY HIRES HOOKERS FOR HALO

Sex in the city? No babes around the Xbox. A 13 year old boy, Ralph Hardy from Newark, Texas, ordered an extra copy of his dad’s credit card. Bad boy. He then proceeded to take his friends on a $30,000 spending spree. Really bad boy. He then decided to hire a couple of hookers and take them back to a motel. Young teenagers with hormones raging you ask? No they hired them to play Xbox and Halo with them. The prostitutes later told police that they became suspicious that these boys might be under age at this point. Really. How old could they have looked at 13. Could the lack of facial hair tipped them off? The boys were obviously tired of playing with themselves and needed some new action. But did the ladies raise the alarm? No, it was the delivery man that brought them Dr. Pepper and Oreos. Why go and get it when you can have it delivered? They confided in the delivery guy that they had gotten their windfall of money at a World of Warcraft tournament. He then called the police after the boys asked for advice on hiring more women. Apparently the ones they found weren’t that great at Halo. When the police arrived, they found $3,000 in cash, an Xbox, and two hookers. The fun part of this is, other than the credit card issue, none of this is illegal. Ralph told police that his lawyer father wouldn’t mind the whole thing because he had forgotten his birthday the week before. Apparently Ralph was wrong because he has been convicted of fraud and is doing three years, community service. Bad boy. As for Ralph’s friends, they apparently let him take the rap. Halo, hookers and Oreos, those wild and crazy gamers, what will they come up with next? I know, Guitar Hero, Groupies, and Root Beer. There’s nothing like living on the edge.



http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=148080&in_page_id=2

A.R. BROOMER LIMITED, YOUR SOURCE FOR BARGAIN GOD

Amanda Broomer sells the skulls of martyrs, the teeth of saints, and splinters from the cross of Jesus. In Manhattan’s Upper East Side, in New York, A. R. Broomer Limited deals in religious antiques. Other items include things like pieces of the body of Saint Therese made into a paste, clothing worn by Saint Anthony, or, one of my favorites, a touched nail, which means it’s a nail that touched a nail from the crucifixion. Of course people pay big bucks for this stuff and Broomer has a thriving business selling these items exclusively. Why am I picturing P.T. Barnum here. "I just got in three bone fragments of St. Francis of Assisi," she says. "He will go very quickly." I bet he will. The selling of religious objects is nothing new and it is quite prevalent in Europe where there are more of these to be found. People buy them in an effort to reconnect with the church and god. Why not just go to church. It might save you a few thousand dollars. I guess some people just aren’t satisfied with a bobble-head Virgin Mary. Vendors have a system in which relics are classified into grades. First class pertains to body parts of saints--a fingernail of the Apostle Paul, say, or a strand of the Virgin Mary's hair. Items (supposedly) touched by Jesus often are first class. The second class encompasses the relics of lesser figures--Mother Teresa's tennis shoes. The third class has items that have touched something first class like the "touched" nail. Am I the only one that thinks this is a really morbid scam? Broomer says she really likes the reliquaries, the ornate boxes that the items come in. She is also Jewish and doesn’t believe in holy objects. I can see where that would make it easier to deal in these things. She does say that she believes in the experiences her customers have concerning these objects. Number one rule of sales, relate to the customer. Broomer confides that her typical customer is male, single, middle-class and gay. Well, thanks to Broomer Limited salvation is just down the street so pick up your piece of Christ today. Decannonized saints are on markdown. Check out our line of holy grails.


http://www.forbes.com/lifestyle/forbes/2008/0519/140.html?partner=aol

DARTH VADER ATTACKS JEDI CHURCH IN UK

George Lucas may have started more than he bargained for. Did you know there is an actual church of the Jedi? Yes, in Britain, in Holyhead, Wales is a church that espouses the teachings behind the “force” in the Star Wars movies. I wonder if they talk like Yoda during services? “The force, you must worship. With you, it is.” Church founder, Barney Jones also known as Master Jonba Hehol, I can see why he changed his name, Jedi Master Barney just doesn’t do it, was attacked in his church. 27 year old Arwel Wynne Hughes, dressed up as Darth Vader and attacked the Jedi Master. Apparently light sabers were not involved. Alcohol was. Arwel admits to having drunk the better part of 2 and ½ gallons of wine. He dressed as Darth Vader, came into the church and shouted “Darth Vader! Jedis!” and beaned Barney with a metal crutch. He should have been shouting “I am your Father.” I’m not sure if that is new training for the Sith or where the crutch came from. He also smacked Jones’ cousin, Michael Jones – Master Mormi Hehol bruising his thigh. Arwel had drunk enough he doesn’t actually remember the attack but the whole thing was caught on video as the two cousins were about to record themselves having a light saber duel. I don’t know why they didn’t defend themselves. The church has about 30 members and claims “insight and knowledge as a guide to living a more worthwhile life.” "We all love the films and what they stand for. Obviously some people are going to laugh about it," the Wales on Sunday newspaper quoted Barney Jones as saying last month. "But a lot of people do take it seriously." It appears he may be correct because in a 2001 census, 390,000 Brits put down Jedi as their religion. 20,000 in Canada. Arwel Hughes was fined for the attack and then released, yes, Darth Vader still roams the Welsh countryside. Probably planning his next attack on the Jedi temple. The British “Empire” obviously working with Vader in his plans to do them in with crutches. What was that? Palpatine for Parlaiment? Darth Maul seen in a Scottish pub. Trouble, there is. Trust in the force Hehol, trust in the force.

http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2008/05/13/5550661-ap.html

CRYSTAL SKULL STOLEN FROM NEW AGE SHOP IN CALIFORNIA

Ok, I have the Indiana Jones theme running through my head already. A large crystal skull, named Solar Ray, yes they actually named it, was ripped off from a new age shop in Claremont, California. It was openly on display with absolutely no security measures in place. I think California has got be officially the flakiest place on earth. “We have zero shoplifting in here, and I have no idea why anyone would take something as lovely as that,” said Persis Newland, owner of Kindred Spirits. You don’t? Let’s see, does having something really cool for nothing ring a bell. Did his mother really name him Persis? The skull had been on loan and was residing on an altar in the store’s classroom area. “He was on an altar, and he just enjoyed being here,” said employee Kristen Nestor, who supervises the store’s weekly crystal-reading classes. “He participated in our classes.” So far, near as I can tell, he was the smartest one there. I want to know how he actually participated. Did he raise his crystal eyebrow when he wanted to ask a question? The skull was authentic and was believed to be 500 years old and is similar to the one that is in the new upcoming Indiana Jones movie. There is a legend that the Maya possessed 13 of the crystal skulls and when united they would save the earth. It’s the basis of the new Indy movie. Newland believes that the focus on the film may have prompted the theft. It doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes or Indiana Jones to put that one together. It’s also believed that the skulls can heal and influence natural events. Well, if they influence natural events, they must really be angry lately. Maybe the class they should have been holding for the skull was anger management. “He likes to travel and things like that,” Nestor said. What, does he pack up his little crystal bag and book a flight? Can crystal skulls get visas? “He was here for about four months, just enjoying everyone who comes through here.” Well, it seems that someone enjoyed him a little too much. If it was Mayan, maybe its green card ran out. Instead of stolen he may have been deported. I bet the skull wasn’t getting paid and this was a new age sweat shop. Has anyone called the INS?

http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2008/05/12/5543991-ap.html

DESMOND TUTU HUCKS FREE MUSIC DOWNLOADS

South African Nobel Peace Prize winner Desmond Tutu has signed on to promote a new free legal music download site. Ok, I’m having a hard time picturing the octogenarian Archbishop boogieing to his I-pod in his spare time. I’m having an even harder time picturing him actively promoting a website. Let’s see how this pans out. The website is called welovefreemusic.com. It is a product of S.O.S. Records, Speed of Sound, and intends to offer free MP3 downloads. The idea is to get musicians to put their music up for free, get their music rated by users and then maybe get discovered. Doesn’t Myspace and 27 million other sites already do this? Maybe they think by having the Archbishop onboard a little divine intervention will help their success. Desmond Tutu claims he is a fan of free downloadable music and met the CEO of S.O.S. Records, Steve Nowack, during a chance meeting. More divine intervention? I just can’t picture the Archbishop’s face in an ad in Rolling Stone saying “Yo, check out this bustin’ new site for your jams.” In a statement Tutu says, “I am participating because we all belong to the human family and each human being has been touched by music. Until now there are people who may not have been able to access music because of the barrier of finance. Steve’s project is now going to break down that barrier.” Apparently Tutu hasn’t got online much. I find free downloads everywhere, legal ones. The people who haven’t been able to access music don’t have a computer at all or online capabilities. All I have to say is that I hope he didn’t put any of his personal funds into this. Nowack must have been some smooth talker. Tutu’s celebrity power may get the site some attention, but bringing free music to the world, that’s already been done. I think maybe the initials S.O.S. may be prophetic as to the fate of this one.
http://technologyexpert.blogspot.com/2008/05/archbishop-desmond-tutu-loves-free.html

TEACHER FIRED FOR WIZARDRY

TEACHER FIRED FOR WIZARDRY

Somewhere along the way it seems the memo got lost that since Harry Potter, being a wizard is cool. At a school in Florida, a substitute teacher, Jim Piculas performed a magic trick. He made a toothpick disappear and then reappear. You know the kind of trick a clown does at a birthday party or any amateur magician does for a drink at the bar. Simple right? Apparently not, because the next day he got a phone call from the head supervisor for substitute teachers. He was told "Jim, we have a huge issue. You can't take any more assignments. You need to come in right away." When he asked about it, he says he was told, "You've been accused of wizardry." Big Issue? Shades of the Ministry of Magic. Now I’ve seen Harry Potter. A toothpick appearing and disappearing does not qualify as wizardry. It barely qualifies as a trick. Though, this does explain the rule against performing magic in front of muggles. This guy is certainly no Voldemort. It’s not like he made one of the kids disappear and then couldn’t bring them back again. Piculas’ job is now doing a disappearing act and he fears that this may stick with him and affect his ability to find employment elsewhere. Well, let’s look at the want ads. Wizards, Wizards. Hmmm. There doesn’t appear to be much. I wonder if Hogwarts is hiring? Dumbeldor’s army is looking for recruits.
http://snafu-ed.blogspot.com/2008/05/school-teacher-fired-over-wizardry.html

POLICE OFFICER SHOOTS HIMSELF IN ANKLE DURING DEMO

In Mayberry, Barney Fife was never allowed to put his one bullet into his gun. Police Chief David Hansen should have had the same rule. Actually I don’t think this guy should be allowed near a loaded gun. During a class in Riverside, Utah, which would enable participants to get their concealed weapons permits, Hansen decided to load his Glock 40. Students say they were nervous when he did it and saw no reason for the action. "We were told the gun is the chief's personal sidearm, but it looked to me like he didn't know anything about the gun," Lewis Walker said, one of the students. It appears his observation may have been correct. He put the gun under a table to disassemble it while it was still loaded and it went off shooting Hansen in the ankle. This proves once again that stupid people, carelessness and loaded weapons just don’t mix. Yes, let’s let Zippy the Pinhead have a gun. The students were lucky he only shot himself. An officer at the scene joked that "instead of shooting himself, he should have used the Taser." I can see where that might have been entertaining. The local police spin on this is that the chief is a hero and that the students are disgruntled. Disgruntled, they’re lucky they weren’t killed. Yes let’s pin medals on morons. It appears they need to rethink who teaches this class, like maybe someone…qualified? They could have learned more from a street hood. This certainly follows the saying, “It’s not the machinery, it’s the operator. If residents are smart, they’ll be applying for their weapons permits in the next town over. Maybe they should downgrade their class demos to a Supersoaker.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080507/ap_on_fe_st/police_chief_shot

CAN I GET A BEER TO GO?

Bill Bramanti of Illinois is planning on taking one with him. That’s when he dies. Bramanti is a true beer drinker. And has had his coffin made in the image of a Pabst Blue Ribbon beer can to prove it. This proves you can get absolutely anything these days. Yes, in a thousand years, if archaeologists dig up Bill, they’re going to know what kind of man he was, a beer man. Currently, there’s nothing wrong with Bramanti and he has no intentions of passing on into the great beyond anytime soon. In the meantime, he’s thrown a party and he fills the coffin with ice and beer, Pabst of course. This guy is going to be a riot at tailgate parties. Pull up, flip open your coffin and and start drinking all the soon to be dead soldiers inside. I bet that coffin holds a lot of beer. I wonder, since he’s currently using it as a cooler, is there a spout to drain the water for the ice. This could be a whole new sideline for Coleman. The multipurpose Mega Cooler! A cooler now, a coffin later. He figures, why put such a great piece on the shelf when it can fulfill such a practical purpose while he’s still alive. Bramanti says the coffin is a great fit and yes he has tried it out. It presents some interesting possibilities. Does it come with a pop top? If left unrefrigerated does it get skunky? I supposes shaking it up is a bad idea. If five of his buddies do the same thing can they get buried as a 6-pack? When you buy one, does it come with a complimentary can cozy? When he does pass, I think they should bury him with a 12 to go.

http://news.aol.com/story/_a/hes-got-pabst-blue-ribbon-as-his-shrine/20080505092009990001

CIVIL SERVANT REGISTERS 780,000 HITS ON PORN SITES

A Japanese civil servant has been demoted for visiting porn sites during work. In a nine month period his computer registered over 780,000 hits! Let’s see that’s nearly 3000 a day, Apparently this is Japan’s tax dollars at work. Godzilla and baseball just didn’t satisfy this guy. The man, whose name is being withheld, worked, well obviously there wasn’t much working going on, for the Kinokawa city government. He’s been demoted, hopefully to a job that doesn’t have an internet hookup. I would wonder what he was thinking, but it is obvious that there was only one thing on his mind. Get a date, go to a bar, buy a blow-up doll. According to his computer log, he registered 170,000 hits in July alone. That must have been one hot summer. He had to be porn’s single best customer. Didn’t this guy have any actual work to do? Nobody had a clue this was going on. Was his job so unimportant that no one ever checked up on him. His porn addiction was only discovered after his computer caught a virus and officials actually viewed his computer log. I wonder how many of those sites the techs bookmarked. This is probably the only time a computer virus did some good. Hopefully the offender is headed for counseling. Truthfully, I think he should have blogged his “Best Sites” and he probably would have been a hit. Then he could have dated porn stars and fulfilled his every fantasy. Before long the book deals would have been rolling in. It would give a new meaning to “Hawt Posts.” You would have been cool instead of just weird. People just don’t think these things out. Wait a minute, maybe I….


http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080502/ap_on_fe_st/japan_internet_porn

THE DUCT TAPE BANDIT ADMITS GUILT

I guess I wouldn’t have wanted to admit to this either. Kasey Kazee had wrapped his head with duct tape in a vain effort to not be recognized when he robbed an Ashland, Kentucky liquor store. Apparently he didn’t think about how it would feel when he tried to take it back off. A photo of him shows exactly how stupid this guy is and looks. You can see it by clicking on the link below. Kazee is a Darwin Award looking for a place to happen. There was absolutely no thought processes going on here whatsoever. He went in to rob the clerk with a knife. As he was leaving, he was tackled by another employee of the store and then several patrons of a nearby store ran over and helped subdue him. When the police arrived, they asked the store clerk how much he had stolen, she said she didn’t know, but counting the till revealed that it was $15 short. Dude, you were almost rich. Let’s see, Duct Tape $5.95, first aid for beating you took in the parking lot, $25, court costs $600, being forever known as the Duct Tape Bandit, priceless. Well, it is Kentucky. When he was at the police station, he denied that it was him. His head was wrapped in duct tape and they picked him up at the scene of the crime. What about this says “I didn’t do it?” I must credit the manufacturers of duct tape. Though he was the worse for wear when the patrons subdued him, the duct tape held up excellently. I think they should come up with an ad campaign. “Duct Tape, we never dreamed there were this many uses.” “Duct Tape the choice of stupid bandits everywhere.” “Duct Tape, It’ll keep your head from falling apart.” ‘Duct Tape, don’t plan your holdup without it.” Fortunately Kazee will be going away for awhile, locked somewhere where he won’t have to use that overtaxed brain of his. Please, God don’t have let him reproduce, though I fear it may already be too late.

See the Duct Tape Bandit, click here:http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=145432&in_page_id=2

MICHAEL JACKSON SWEARS OFF WOMEN?

That headline graced the top of an article I just couldn’t resist. You’ll find the link to it below. I didn’t know Michael had anything to do with women. Even Lisa Marie Presley admits that their relationship had little relationship to a relationship. I thought it was all small children and prepubescent boys along with the occasional chimp. The article says he let his nanny go whom he was apparently having a “relationship” with and has sworn off women for the time being. This comes as he moves ahead to record his first album of new music in god knows how long. What’s it going to be called “Broke?” Personally, I think the airwaves were just fine without him. It probably won’t be long and we will see the “nanny” smeared all over the tabloids after she made a beeline to her lawyer’s office in an effort to join the long list of multitudes that has already sued him. That’s probably why he’s recording the album. The legal fees, light bills, taxes, that endless barrage of costs that his weird personal life has brought him, should have sent him to the poor house by now. In an effort to focus on the music, he has reportedly banned his children from the recording studio. This has got to be this first time he has banned children from anywhere. I suppose though, if you’re constantly fantasizing about them, you can‘t concentrate. In a recent attempt to restore his credibility and appear somewhere other than a tabloid, he granted an interview with Ebony magazine, for which they put him on the cover. Ebony? Sorry, this man? There’s definately more ivory going on here than Ebony. Michael is so white he makes Barack Obama look black. The cover, which appeared in the December 2007 issue, has Michael in a white suit with a white background in a vain effort to show some contrast. All it does is prove how white he really is. It’s also been rumored that up and coming star Akon will appear on the album along with Michael. You know the rap star that had to forge a criminal career so he would fit in. Maybe he thinks hanging out with Michael will sully up his image a bit and make him appear “Bad.” Though I have to admit, Michael isn’t one who has the “Gangsta” image and hanging out with a weirdo like Mike probably isn’t going to help his resume. Personally, I think, instead of swearing off women, Michael should swear off his career, take few hints from Howard Hughes and lock himself away and cuddle up with the Elephant Man.

http://www.theboombox.com/2008/04/25/michael-jackson-swears-off-women/?icid=100214839x1200764619x1200027890

PICK UP SOME POT WITH YOUR PIZZA AT THE DRIVE-THRU

At the Port Smith, Arkansas, Pizza Hut, you could get some special herb with that pizza to go. The manager of the Pizza hut was arrested for selling pot from the drive-thru window. I guess this was one innovative business practice that didn’t sit well. I’ll bet the owner of the pizza parlor will miss him, or at least the extra profits he brought in. I can see the beauty in this. Pick up your munchies along with your sack of weed and never leave the car. “I wanna order 10 supreme pizzas and 36 orders of bread sticks.” “Would you like some sodas for that cotton mouth later?” “Oh yea, thanks man you’re a real lifesaver. I’ll take four, 2 liters.” I wonder if they had a special button to ring that up on. Could you get delivery if you tipped the driver a doobie? The local police, working on a tip raided the manager’s office and found six ounces of marijuana and a digital scale, gotta have that portion control. I bet the tipster got shorted on a bag and complained. Maybe somebody goofed up his order and he got a half-ounce instead of a full one. This concept presents so many possibilities. “We’re running a special tonight. We‘ve got brownies.” How about that special herbed crust? I want to know if you could order a handful cooked right into your pizza “Hey everybody I got the best pizza in town. It’s the Pizza Hut cannabis deep dish with extra cheese.” I’m sure business has dropped dramatically now that every stoner’s fantasy has been ruined. “Dude, did you hear? We can’t get our pot and pizzas to go any more.” “I hate that. They get a special you really like and they discontinue it. It sucks man. I’m gonna miss that one.”

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080421/ap_on_fe_st/odd_drive_through_dope

BUNGEE JUMPER USES CONDOM CORD!

Ok, this is a sport I have never tried, nor am I going to. Jumping off a bridge and nearly bashing my head into the ground has never been my idea of a good time. I’ll stick with beer and football. But apparently a South African man decided to make a jump with a bungee rope made entirely out of condoms, 18,500 of them. Number one that’s a lot of trips to the drug store. How do you explain that you want to buy over 18,000 condoms. “Do you sell condoms in bulk?” “Lubricated or non? Ribbed for her pleasure or yours?” “The strongest you have, I don’t want them to break.” “How many?” “!9,000. I don’t want to come up short.” “Would you like some Viagra to go with that.” “No I’m bungee jumping.” If he wasn’t the talk of the town before, you can bet he was after that purchase. Carl Dionisio, the brainchild behind this says he spent four months knotting them all together with a friend, who helped. He says the cord was based on a complicated mathematical formula he’d worked out. What about a condom would prompt a person to contemplate math. I suspect alcohol was involved. The formula was probably worked out on a bar napkin. They say they had difficulty tying the rope as the knots kept slipping out. Condoms are meant to slip out, repeatedly. Dionisio says he did it because he wanted to recreate that “virgin buzz” of his first jump. I suspect even more alcohol was involved. His homemade rope apparently did work since I didn’t take this from his obituary. This gives a whole new meaning to hoping your condom doesn’t break. Think of the advertising concepts for condom companies. Think of the secondary market! They’re not just for casual sex anymore. The condom of bungee jumpers everywhere. Could this be a recycling market? Ick, gross, maybe not.

http://www.metro.co.uk/news/world/article.html?in_article_id=143942&in_page_id=64

NAKED VIDEO BLOG - THE NEW CRAZE?

It seems, the new craze on internet megasite YouTube, is to do naked blogs. YouTube is encouraging this by giving them a featured spot on their front page, as long as it doesn’t interfere with their obsenity policies. In other words, don’t actually show anything vital. Now being a blogger, I don’t do the video and if this craze takes hold, I won’t be, you should all thank me, I really don’t think this is a good idea. Now the people doing these videos are common everyday internet geeks with no lives that probably can’t get a date on a bet. This won’t help. I looked. I had to do the research for my blog. I wish I wouldn’t have. It took me two hours to refocus my eyes. This has all the sex appeal of a herpes commercial. Frankly, some of these people should be prosecuted under a blight law. One girl had done a video in a Hillary Clinton wig trying to imitate her. Never in my wildest dreams have I ever wanted to picture Hillary naked, not even as a parody. I’m not sure she even looks at herself naked. For most of them, appearing naked is not an enhancement. I was forever traumatized when Dennis Franz showed his butt on NYPD Blue. Talk about bad career choices. (For those of you that don’t remember this heinous moment in television history and have no idea who Dennis is refer to Die Hard 2. He’s the cop that keeps giving Bruce a hard time. The fact that I have to explain that shows what it did for his career.) I think nudity should be left to the porn sites and the bad HBO/Showtime specials. I definitely do not want to see some naked kid with enough metal stuck in his head and chest to qualify as a Terminator talking about the rough time he had in computer programming class. Or why he can’t get a girl. Dude, the video is not helping. Next thing you know the elderly will be getting in on this. Happy Christmas greetings from the old folks home. The grandkids are running around screaming “I’m blind, I’m blind.” The parents are yelling “We wish we were, We wish we were.” The craze is being dubbed – The Nude-o-lution. I’m usually up for a little cutting edge dissidence but from what I’ve seen so far this one is better left on the cutting room floor.

To read more about this and see some of the prime video candidates, go here:
http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=143101&in_page_id=2Or just simply log into you tube.