COP BUSTED FOR PARKING IN HANDICAPPED AT DONUT SHOP

Have you ever thought, hmm. I’ll only be a minute so I’ll just grab the handicapped spot? Sure, you have. You may not have done it, but you’ve thought it. In Missassauga, Ontario a police officer thought that and got caught. He decided to run into a Tim Horton’s coffee and donut shop, grab a cup of coffee and a sweet treat and run right back out. No problem right? Just as he ran in, a double amputee from Sault Sainte Marie, Canada pulls up. "I was shocked," said Gerard Taylor, "I said, 'Quick, we have got to get a picture.'" This was one cop that was in the wrong place at the wrong time. We all know that coffee and donuts is a high priority for these guys. Lesson for the day: I have to admit, I live on the Canadian border, Tim Horton’s coffee is awesome, but certainly a 20-foot walk probably would have done this cop some good. It’s called exercise. Yes, you too can get off you butt and actually get your blood moving for about 30 seconds in prelude to that cholesterol laden taste treat that you’re about to stuff in your head. According to Taylor the cop was only there for a couple of minutes, he thinks someone told him he’d been caught, but it’s the principle of the thing that has him irked. There’s nothing worse than caught in the act. "He was only parked there for 90 seconds because I think someone told him about us snickering and talking about taking a picture, so he left without even a coffee in hand," he said. "Still, that is 90 seconds of a handicapped person's life that is already hard enough. It's the principle." Only time will tell if the police department will actually do something with this lazy cop, especially now that it’s made the news with a picture and they are publicly embarrassed. Taylor calls himself one of the unofficial “accessibility police.” He lurks about just waiting for those moments of “I’ll just be a minute.” Yes in this day and age of cellphones with cameras, compact video recorders and the like, you’d better watch yourself. Those handicapped spots are under surveillance. The Accessibility Police will get you. Even if you are the police. Beware the temptation of the handicapped spot.

http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2008/05/24/5658436-sun.html

THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE TASERED

In Boulder, Colorado, two men stood looking at each other, staring into one another’s eyes, waiting for the other to draw. Cue music from old Clint Eastwood, spaghetti western. Our story begins with a dispute. They always do. Harvey Epstein, a restaurant owner and Casey Dane, a supervisor for Security Services Inc. got into an argument over a metal boot that had been placed on one of the restaurant employee’s van. Showdown! Dane told police he was afraid Epstein was going to hit him with a 60 centimetre-long pair of bolt cutters. Epstein told police he had only tried to remove the boot with the bolt cutters and hadn't threatened anyone with them. Epstein told police Dane put his hand on a holstered pistol and threatened to shoot him. Dane told The Associated Press by telephone that he did put his hand on the holstered pistol but never threatened to shoot Epstein. Have we sorted this all out yet? No, the best is yet to come. The two had a standoff. They stared into each other’s eyes. Then they drew… tasers. Both hit their mark. Both twitched uncontrollably. Both went down. “They shot each other,” said Police Sgt. Pat Wyton. “It was just kind of a bonehead deal.” Neither men needed medical attention. The security guard says that the van was parked in an area he was to patrol. The employees says it wasn’t. So the argument rages on. Could we get a sequel? A Fistful of Tasers? For a Few Tasers More? Maybe we could talk Clint into doing a guest tasering. Hmmm, this has possibilities.
http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2008/05/18/5606121-ap.html

CRYSTAL SKULL STOLEN FROM NEW AGE SHOP IN CALIFORNIA

Ok, I have the Indiana Jones theme running through my head already. A large crystal skull, named Solar Ray, yes they actually named it, was ripped off from a new age shop in Claremont, California. It was openly on display with absolutely no security measures in place. I think California has got be officially the flakiest place on earth. “We have zero shoplifting in here, and I have no idea why anyone would take something as lovely as that,” said Persis Newland, owner of Kindred Spirits. You don’t? Let’s see, does having something really cool for nothing ring a bell. Did his mother really name him Persis? The skull had been on loan and was residing on an altar in the store’s classroom area. “He was on an altar, and he just enjoyed being here,” said employee Kristen Nestor, who supervises the store’s weekly crystal-reading classes. “He participated in our classes.” So far, near as I can tell, he was the smartest one there. I want to know how he actually participated. Did he raise his crystal eyebrow when he wanted to ask a question? The skull was authentic and was believed to be 500 years old and is similar to the one that is in the new upcoming Indiana Jones movie. There is a legend that the Maya possessed 13 of the crystal skulls and when united they would save the earth. It’s the basis of the new Indy movie. Newland believes that the focus on the film may have prompted the theft. It doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes or Indiana Jones to put that one together. It’s also believed that the skulls can heal and influence natural events. Well, if they influence natural events, they must really be angry lately. Maybe the class they should have been holding for the skull was anger management. “He likes to travel and things like that,” Nestor said. What, does he pack up his little crystal bag and book a flight? Can crystal skulls get visas? “He was here for about four months, just enjoying everyone who comes through here.” Well, it seems that someone enjoyed him a little too much. If it was Mayan, maybe its green card ran out. Instead of stolen he may have been deported. I bet the skull wasn’t getting paid and this was a new age sweat shop. Has anyone called the INS?

http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2008/05/12/5543991-ap.html

POLICE OFFICER SHOOTS HIMSELF IN ANKLE DURING DEMO

In Mayberry, Barney Fife was never allowed to put his one bullet into his gun. Police Chief David Hansen should have had the same rule. Actually I don’t think this guy should be allowed near a loaded gun. During a class in Riverside, Utah, which would enable participants to get their concealed weapons permits, Hansen decided to load his Glock 40. Students say they were nervous when he did it and saw no reason for the action. "We were told the gun is the chief's personal sidearm, but it looked to me like he didn't know anything about the gun," Lewis Walker said, one of the students. It appears his observation may have been correct. He put the gun under a table to disassemble it while it was still loaded and it went off shooting Hansen in the ankle. This proves once again that stupid people, carelessness and loaded weapons just don’t mix. Yes, let’s let Zippy the Pinhead have a gun. The students were lucky he only shot himself. An officer at the scene joked that "instead of shooting himself, he should have used the Taser." I can see where that might have been entertaining. The local police spin on this is that the chief is a hero and that the students are disgruntled. Disgruntled, they’re lucky they weren’t killed. Yes let’s pin medals on morons. It appears they need to rethink who teaches this class, like maybe someone…qualified? They could have learned more from a street hood. This certainly follows the saying, “It’s not the machinery, it’s the operator. If residents are smart, they’ll be applying for their weapons permits in the next town over. Maybe they should downgrade their class demos to a Supersoaker.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080507/ap_on_fe_st/police_chief_shot

THE DUCT TAPE BANDIT ADMITS GUILT

I guess I wouldn’t have wanted to admit to this either. Kasey Kazee had wrapped his head with duct tape in a vain effort to not be recognized when he robbed an Ashland, Kentucky liquor store. Apparently he didn’t think about how it would feel when he tried to take it back off. A photo of him shows exactly how stupid this guy is and looks. You can see it by clicking on the link below. Kazee is a Darwin Award looking for a place to happen. There was absolutely no thought processes going on here whatsoever. He went in to rob the clerk with a knife. As he was leaving, he was tackled by another employee of the store and then several patrons of a nearby store ran over and helped subdue him. When the police arrived, they asked the store clerk how much he had stolen, she said she didn’t know, but counting the till revealed that it was $15 short. Dude, you were almost rich. Let’s see, Duct Tape $5.95, first aid for beating you took in the parking lot, $25, court costs $600, being forever known as the Duct Tape Bandit, priceless. Well, it is Kentucky. When he was at the police station, he denied that it was him. His head was wrapped in duct tape and they picked him up at the scene of the crime. What about this says “I didn’t do it?” I must credit the manufacturers of duct tape. Though he was the worse for wear when the patrons subdued him, the duct tape held up excellently. I think they should come up with an ad campaign. “Duct Tape, we never dreamed there were this many uses.” “Duct Tape the choice of stupid bandits everywhere.” “Duct Tape, It’ll keep your head from falling apart.” ‘Duct Tape, don’t plan your holdup without it.” Fortunately Kazee will be going away for awhile, locked somewhere where he won’t have to use that overtaxed brain of his. Please, God don’t have let him reproduce, though I fear it may already be too late.

See the Duct Tape Bandit, click here:http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=145432&in_page_id=2

PICK UP SOME POT WITH YOUR PIZZA AT THE DRIVE-THRU

At the Port Smith, Arkansas, Pizza Hut, you could get some special herb with that pizza to go. The manager of the Pizza hut was arrested for selling pot from the drive-thru window. I guess this was one innovative business practice that didn’t sit well. I’ll bet the owner of the pizza parlor will miss him, or at least the extra profits he brought in. I can see the beauty in this. Pick up your munchies along with your sack of weed and never leave the car. “I wanna order 10 supreme pizzas and 36 orders of bread sticks.” “Would you like some sodas for that cotton mouth later?” “Oh yea, thanks man you’re a real lifesaver. I’ll take four, 2 liters.” I wonder if they had a special button to ring that up on. Could you get delivery if you tipped the driver a doobie? The local police, working on a tip raided the manager’s office and found six ounces of marijuana and a digital scale, gotta have that portion control. I bet the tipster got shorted on a bag and complained. Maybe somebody goofed up his order and he got a half-ounce instead of a full one. This concept presents so many possibilities. “We’re running a special tonight. We‘ve got brownies.” How about that special herbed crust? I want to know if you could order a handful cooked right into your pizza “Hey everybody I got the best pizza in town. It’s the Pizza Hut cannabis deep dish with extra cheese.” I’m sure business has dropped dramatically now that every stoner’s fantasy has been ruined. “Dude, did you hear? We can’t get our pot and pizzas to go any more.” “I hate that. They get a special you really like and they discontinue it. It sucks man. I’m gonna miss that one.”

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080421/ap_on_fe_st/odd_drive_through_dope