PILOT AND STEWARDESS' NIGHT OF DRUNKEN DEBAUCHERY GOES BAD

We’ve all heard about the pilot and stewardess tales, flitting from one destination to the other having affairs on their layovers and in general partying in all of those wonderful exotic locations. This story shatters that dreamy idyllic illusion. Yes there are a million stories with the naked pilots, this is one of them. In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, so much for the exotic location, Jeffery Paul Bradford and Adrianna Grace Connor, gotta love the names though, both employees of Pinnacle Airlines were having dinner at a diner. It had been a long night of drinking and partying. Their evening was not over. Pheromones were thick, as was the overwhelming urge of alcohol so they decided to take a walk in the woods. Somehow, it’s not really clear when, either during or after satisfying their carnal urges to two became separated from each other and their clothes. Oh horror, naked white people are running loose in the Pennsylvania woods. Yes, they were lost. People in the neighborhood summoned police at about 9:30 pm saying they had seen a naked man and an intoxicated woman wandering about. That’s when they called in the helicopter with the heat seeking equipment, the search was on. Bradford was discovered hiding behind a shed shortly before midnight. Connor was picked up after she had stolen someone’s car. “We just wanted to do it in the woods.” Was all they had to say for themselves. They did it alright. Bradford is being charged with indecent exposure, public drunkenness, and other unspecified charges. Connor is charged with theft of a motor vehicle, public drunkenness, and other minor offences including the theft of a flashlight from a neighbor’s car. Yes, our story ends with one bit of advice, if your’e going into the woods, take a compass stupid. Or better yet get a room. It’ll keep the dirt out of your butt. And your name off the internet.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080520/ap_on_fe_st/odd_naked_pilot

SOCCER PLAYER'S CREATIVE REHAB UNCOVERS DIFFERENT KIND OF BALLS.

A good consumer rule is to check the merchandise before you buy it. Brazilian Soccer star for the Milan Strikers and two time world cup winner Ronaldo should have paid attention to that rule when he brought a couple of prostitutes back to his room. Yes there was more than one so Ronaldo had quite a night planned for himself. He was in Brazil to rehab his injured knee and it appears his recovery is going quite well. That was the only thing about this night that would go well. These weren’t girls from Ipanema. They were transvestites. Oh Horror! Oh Rocky! Yes , Ronaldo had entered the Tranny zone. Once the package was unwrapped, the merchandise wasn’t what he had bargained for. These weren’t soccer balls staring at him. He may have wished they were. Ronaldo, realizing his error tried to get them to leave his motel room by paying them the equivalent of $600 U.S. Instead, one of them wanted several thousand and threatened to go to the media with all of the sordid details. Ah, the plot thickens. The game is afoot. Ronaldo was apparently unimpressed by the threats and there are rumors that an altercation may have insued, though no one has yet made any formal claims. One of the she-males ripped the phone out of the wall so that the police couldn’t be called, but apparently all of the prostitutes weren’t in on the blackmail attempt, only one. No goals scored here. I wonder who gets the game ball? They voluntarily went to the police and related this tale of woe and mistaken gender. Ronaldo, has gone into hiding and is not commenting. I’d hide too after that bit of embarrassment. Keeping his mouth shut can only help. He’s canceled media appearances and is working on his physiotherapy at home. That’s where he should have worked on it in the first place. There are no charges currently pending as prostitution is legal in Brazil, but one may be filed for extortion on the blackmailing prostitute. Maybe he can sue for consumer fraud. How about false advertising? Misleading packaging? So the moral of the story is, wait a minute, this story is devoid of morals, never mind.

http://sports.aol.com/soccer/story/_a/star-caught-in-incident-with/20080428223109990001?icid=100214839x1200960760x1200036714

"GIRLS GONE WILD" SUED BY A HOOKER?

Like everyone, I’ve happened upon the cheesy infomercials in the middle of the night. The “Girls Gone Wild” series is a staple of the redeye hours of nothing on the TV and of course, displays college girls reveling in drunken debauchery and topless jiggling. I find that it perks up a long night. Ashley Dupre, the call girl that brought New York Governor, Eliot Spitzer to disgrace is currently attempting to sue Joe Francis, creator of the soft-porn mega success for using footage of her in his videos. Am I missing something here? Just because she made the media by ruining a politicians career, she’s suddenly respectable? Too good for “Girls GoneWild?” She’s filed suit against Francis for $10 million. I’m sure real porn stars don’t make that kind of money in a lifetime, let alone a hooker who just flashed her boobs. She was probably using the footage for part of her resume. "She's seeking $10 million for topless photos taken in front of a room full of people, including two newspapers and multiple crews we had in the room," says Francis. "These images were taken in public places and contain no sexual contact.” Dupre claims that Francis has used her image and name to promote the videos with her in it. You think? I know I would have. Apparently her 15 minutes of fame wasn’t enough, so now she hopes to extend it by keeping herself in the media. She probably lost a lot of clientele when she rolled over on the politician. 10 Million, that’s one heck of a trick. Who’s the one getting screwed now. Bend over, I’ll drive. There’s probably a book deal in the offing as well. There always is. Well, once a prostitute always a prostitute. That could be the title of her book. Well, since this will be going to court, we know who will get the money, the real prostitutes, lawyers. I wonder if “Girls Gone Wild will be coming out in Hi-Def soon?

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20195892,00.html?xid=rss-topheadlines

NAKED VIDEO BLOG - THE NEW CRAZE?

It seems, the new craze on internet megasite YouTube, is to do naked blogs. YouTube is encouraging this by giving them a featured spot on their front page, as long as it doesn’t interfere with their obsenity policies. In other words, don’t actually show anything vital. Now being a blogger, I don’t do the video and if this craze takes hold, I won’t be, you should all thank me, I really don’t think this is a good idea. Now the people doing these videos are common everyday internet geeks with no lives that probably can’t get a date on a bet. This won’t help. I looked. I had to do the research for my blog. I wish I wouldn’t have. It took me two hours to refocus my eyes. This has all the sex appeal of a herpes commercial. Frankly, some of these people should be prosecuted under a blight law. One girl had done a video in a Hillary Clinton wig trying to imitate her. Never in my wildest dreams have I ever wanted to picture Hillary naked, not even as a parody. I’m not sure she even looks at herself naked. For most of them, appearing naked is not an enhancement. I was forever traumatized when Dennis Franz showed his butt on NYPD Blue. Talk about bad career choices. (For those of you that don’t remember this heinous moment in television history and have no idea who Dennis is refer to Die Hard 2. He’s the cop that keeps giving Bruce a hard time. The fact that I have to explain that shows what it did for his career.) I think nudity should be left to the porn sites and the bad HBO/Showtime specials. I definitely do not want to see some naked kid with enough metal stuck in his head and chest to qualify as a Terminator talking about the rough time he had in computer programming class. Or why he can’t get a girl. Dude, the video is not helping. Next thing you know the elderly will be getting in on this. Happy Christmas greetings from the old folks home. The grandkids are running around screaming “I’m blind, I’m blind.” The parents are yelling “We wish we were, We wish we were.” The craze is being dubbed – The Nude-o-lution. I’m usually up for a little cutting edge dissidence but from what I’ve seen so far this one is better left on the cutting room floor.

To read more about this and see some of the prime video candidates, go here:
http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=143101&in_page_id=2Or just simply log into you tube.