DARTH VADER ATTACKS JEDI CHURCH IN UK

George Lucas may have started more than he bargained for. Did you know there is an actual church of the Jedi? Yes, in Britain, in Holyhead, Wales is a church that espouses the teachings behind the “force” in the Star Wars movies. I wonder if they talk like Yoda during services? “The force, you must worship. With you, it is.” Church founder, Barney Jones also known as Master Jonba Hehol, I can see why he changed his name, Jedi Master Barney just doesn’t do it, was attacked in his church. 27 year old Arwel Wynne Hughes, dressed up as Darth Vader and attacked the Jedi Master. Apparently light sabers were not involved. Alcohol was. Arwel admits to having drunk the better part of 2 and ½ gallons of wine. He dressed as Darth Vader, came into the church and shouted “Darth Vader! Jedis!” and beaned Barney with a metal crutch. He should have been shouting “I am your Father.” I’m not sure if that is new training for the Sith or where the crutch came from. He also smacked Jones’ cousin, Michael Jones – Master Mormi Hehol bruising his thigh. Arwel had drunk enough he doesn’t actually remember the attack but the whole thing was caught on video as the two cousins were about to record themselves having a light saber duel. I don’t know why they didn’t defend themselves. The church has about 30 members and claims “insight and knowledge as a guide to living a more worthwhile life.” "We all love the films and what they stand for. Obviously some people are going to laugh about it," the Wales on Sunday newspaper quoted Barney Jones as saying last month. "But a lot of people do take it seriously." It appears he may be correct because in a 2001 census, 390,000 Brits put down Jedi as their religion. 20,000 in Canada. Arwel Hughes was fined for the attack and then released, yes, Darth Vader still roams the Welsh countryside. Probably planning his next attack on the Jedi temple. The British “Empire” obviously working with Vader in his plans to do them in with crutches. What was that? Palpatine for Parlaiment? Darth Maul seen in a Scottish pub. Trouble, there is. Trust in the force Hehol, trust in the force.

http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2008/05/13/5550661-ap.html

CRYSTAL SKULL STOLEN FROM NEW AGE SHOP IN CALIFORNIA

Ok, I have the Indiana Jones theme running through my head already. A large crystal skull, named Solar Ray, yes they actually named it, was ripped off from a new age shop in Claremont, California. It was openly on display with absolutely no security measures in place. I think California has got be officially the flakiest place on earth. “We have zero shoplifting in here, and I have no idea why anyone would take something as lovely as that,” said Persis Newland, owner of Kindred Spirits. You don’t? Let’s see, does having something really cool for nothing ring a bell. Did his mother really name him Persis? The skull had been on loan and was residing on an altar in the store’s classroom area. “He was on an altar, and he just enjoyed being here,” said employee Kristen Nestor, who supervises the store’s weekly crystal-reading classes. “He participated in our classes.” So far, near as I can tell, he was the smartest one there. I want to know how he actually participated. Did he raise his crystal eyebrow when he wanted to ask a question? The skull was authentic and was believed to be 500 years old and is similar to the one that is in the new upcoming Indiana Jones movie. There is a legend that the Maya possessed 13 of the crystal skulls and when united they would save the earth. It’s the basis of the new Indy movie. Newland believes that the focus on the film may have prompted the theft. It doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes or Indiana Jones to put that one together. It’s also believed that the skulls can heal and influence natural events. Well, if they influence natural events, they must really be angry lately. Maybe the class they should have been holding for the skull was anger management. “He likes to travel and things like that,” Nestor said. What, does he pack up his little crystal bag and book a flight? Can crystal skulls get visas? “He was here for about four months, just enjoying everyone who comes through here.” Well, it seems that someone enjoyed him a little too much. If it was Mayan, maybe its green card ran out. Instead of stolen he may have been deported. I bet the skull wasn’t getting paid and this was a new age sweat shop. Has anyone called the INS?

http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2008/05/12/5543991-ap.html