SOCCER PLAYER'S CREATIVE REHAB UNCOVERS DIFFERENT KIND OF BALLS.

A good consumer rule is to check the merchandise before you buy it. Brazilian Soccer star for the Milan Strikers and two time world cup winner Ronaldo should have paid attention to that rule when he brought a couple of prostitutes back to his room. Yes there was more than one so Ronaldo had quite a night planned for himself. He was in Brazil to rehab his injured knee and it appears his recovery is going quite well. That was the only thing about this night that would go well. These weren’t girls from Ipanema. They were transvestites. Oh Horror! Oh Rocky! Yes , Ronaldo had entered the Tranny zone. Once the package was unwrapped, the merchandise wasn’t what he had bargained for. These weren’t soccer balls staring at him. He may have wished they were. Ronaldo, realizing his error tried to get them to leave his motel room by paying them the equivalent of $600 U.S. Instead, one of them wanted several thousand and threatened to go to the media with all of the sordid details. Ah, the plot thickens. The game is afoot. Ronaldo was apparently unimpressed by the threats and there are rumors that an altercation may have insued, though no one has yet made any formal claims. One of the she-males ripped the phone out of the wall so that the police couldn’t be called, but apparently all of the prostitutes weren’t in on the blackmail attempt, only one. No goals scored here. I wonder who gets the game ball? They voluntarily went to the police and related this tale of woe and mistaken gender. Ronaldo, has gone into hiding and is not commenting. I’d hide too after that bit of embarrassment. Keeping his mouth shut can only help. He’s canceled media appearances and is working on his physiotherapy at home. That’s where he should have worked on it in the first place. There are no charges currently pending as prostitution is legal in Brazil, but one may be filed for extortion on the blackmailing prostitute. Maybe he can sue for consumer fraud. How about false advertising? Misleading packaging? So the moral of the story is, wait a minute, this story is devoid of morals, never mind.

http://sports.aol.com/soccer/story/_a/star-caught-in-incident-with/20080428223109990001?icid=100214839x1200960760x1200036714

BUNGEE JUMPER USES CONDOM CORD!

Ok, this is a sport I have never tried, nor am I going to. Jumping off a bridge and nearly bashing my head into the ground has never been my idea of a good time. I’ll stick with beer and football. But apparently a South African man decided to make a jump with a bungee rope made entirely out of condoms, 18,500 of them. Number one that’s a lot of trips to the drug store. How do you explain that you want to buy over 18,000 condoms. “Do you sell condoms in bulk?” “Lubricated or non? Ribbed for her pleasure or yours?” “The strongest you have, I don’t want them to break.” “How many?” “!9,000. I don’t want to come up short.” “Would you like some Viagra to go with that.” “No I’m bungee jumping.” If he wasn’t the talk of the town before, you can bet he was after that purchase. Carl Dionisio, the brainchild behind this says he spent four months knotting them all together with a friend, who helped. He says the cord was based on a complicated mathematical formula he’d worked out. What about a condom would prompt a person to contemplate math. I suspect alcohol was involved. The formula was probably worked out on a bar napkin. They say they had difficulty tying the rope as the knots kept slipping out. Condoms are meant to slip out, repeatedly. Dionisio says he did it because he wanted to recreate that “virgin buzz” of his first jump. I suspect even more alcohol was involved. His homemade rope apparently did work since I didn’t take this from his obituary. This gives a whole new meaning to hoping your condom doesn’t break. Think of the advertising concepts for condom companies. Think of the secondary market! They’re not just for casual sex anymore. The condom of bungee jumpers everywhere. Could this be a recycling market? Ick, gross, maybe not.

http://www.metro.co.uk/news/world/article.html?in_article_id=143942&in_page_id=64

QUARTERBACKS, BEER BONGS AND SORORITY GIRLS

Recently, Matt Leinart got himself into hot water. That’s hot tub water with four sorority girls. For those of you that are unaware, Leinart is the young up and coming quarterback for the Arizona Cardinals. It appears he has hosted a party at his home that was attended by a plethora of Arizona State sorority girls. Oh horror. Oh Matt, why did you do it? The NFL of course, is annoyed by all of this and so is his coach who has publicly chastised Matt’s behavior. I know why he did it. Because he can! I know why everyone else is upset. They weren’t invited. A photo has escaped that shows Matt holding a “beer bong” for a blonde college girl. (Said photo can be viewed by clicking the link at the bottom of this post.) The photo screams, “I’m drunk, I’m surrounded by babes and we have beer. I love football.” Now keep in mind this was all done in the offseason, at his home, and Matt is single, a millionare, just a couple of years out of college and may have been trying to recapture glory moments of his past. The NFL is unhappy because he’s supposed to be a “Role Model.” Right now he’s mine. Actually, this could elevate him to “Hero” status. Now keep in mind, I am not a Cardinals fan. I am however a mega-football fan. The only issue I have with this is that I didn’t get to go. Vince McMahon, when he tried to make his ill-fated XFL was constantly calling the NFL the “No Fun League.” Let’s see, he wasn’t arrested, didn’t murder or assault anyone, didn’t shoot off his mouth about the NFL being a step above slavery, there wasn’t even rumors about drugs at the bash. No he had a beer party, with lots of hot college girls. Dude, you sooo rock. Hugh Hefner is old. Matt could be the heir apparent. I can see it now, Matt’s house, Playboy Mansion south. Leinart has done males everywhere proud. We are all looking at this going “wow, this just doesn’t suck.” The media may be trying to be politically correct in condemning Leinart’s behavior, me, I just want his address.

http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/7978376/Leinart-facing-scrutiny-over-Internet-pics