SOCCER PLAYER'S CREATIVE REHAB UNCOVERS DIFFERENT KIND OF BALLS.

A good consumer rule is to check the merchandise before you buy it. Brazilian Soccer star for the Milan Strikers and two time world cup winner Ronaldo should have paid attention to that rule when he brought a couple of prostitutes back to his room. Yes there was more than one so Ronaldo had quite a night planned for himself. He was in Brazil to rehab his injured knee and it appears his recovery is going quite well. That was the only thing about this night that would go well. These weren’t girls from Ipanema. They were transvestites. Oh Horror! Oh Rocky! Yes , Ronaldo had entered the Tranny zone. Once the package was unwrapped, the merchandise wasn’t what he had bargained for. These weren’t soccer balls staring at him. He may have wished they were. Ronaldo, realizing his error tried to get them to leave his motel room by paying them the equivalent of $600 U.S. Instead, one of them wanted several thousand and threatened to go to the media with all of the sordid details. Ah, the plot thickens. The game is afoot. Ronaldo was apparently unimpressed by the threats and there are rumors that an altercation may have insued, though no one has yet made any formal claims. One of the she-males ripped the phone out of the wall so that the police couldn’t be called, but apparently all of the prostitutes weren’t in on the blackmail attempt, only one. No goals scored here. I wonder who gets the game ball? They voluntarily went to the police and related this tale of woe and mistaken gender. Ronaldo, has gone into hiding and is not commenting. I’d hide too after that bit of embarrassment. Keeping his mouth shut can only help. He’s canceled media appearances and is working on his physiotherapy at home. That’s where he should have worked on it in the first place. There are no charges currently pending as prostitution is legal in Brazil, but one may be filed for extortion on the blackmailing prostitute. Maybe he can sue for consumer fraud. How about false advertising? Misleading packaging? So the moral of the story is, wait a minute, this story is devoid of morals, never mind.

http://sports.aol.com/soccer/story/_a/star-caught-in-incident-with/20080428223109990001?icid=100214839x1200960760x1200036714

"GIRLS GONE WILD" SUED BY A HOOKER?

Like everyone, I’ve happened upon the cheesy infomercials in the middle of the night. The “Girls Gone Wild” series is a staple of the redeye hours of nothing on the TV and of course, displays college girls reveling in drunken debauchery and topless jiggling. I find that it perks up a long night. Ashley Dupre, the call girl that brought New York Governor, Eliot Spitzer to disgrace is currently attempting to sue Joe Francis, creator of the soft-porn mega success for using footage of her in his videos. Am I missing something here? Just because she made the media by ruining a politicians career, she’s suddenly respectable? Too good for “Girls GoneWild?” She’s filed suit against Francis for $10 million. I’m sure real porn stars don’t make that kind of money in a lifetime, let alone a hooker who just flashed her boobs. She was probably using the footage for part of her resume. "She's seeking $10 million for topless photos taken in front of a room full of people, including two newspapers and multiple crews we had in the room," says Francis. "These images were taken in public places and contain no sexual contact.” Dupre claims that Francis has used her image and name to promote the videos with her in it. You think? I know I would have. Apparently her 15 minutes of fame wasn’t enough, so now she hopes to extend it by keeping herself in the media. She probably lost a lot of clientele when she rolled over on the politician. 10 Million, that’s one heck of a trick. Who’s the one getting screwed now. Bend over, I’ll drive. There’s probably a book deal in the offing as well. There always is. Well, once a prostitute always a prostitute. That could be the title of her book. Well, since this will be going to court, we know who will get the money, the real prostitutes, lawyers. I wonder if “Girls Gone Wild will be coming out in Hi-Def soon?

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20195892,00.html?xid=rss-topheadlines

SAN FRANCISCO PRAYER VIGIL HELD FOR GAS PRICES

Yes there is no doubt that gas prices are out of hand and have been for quite a long time. So high in fact that a Washington D.C. area resident has come to California to hold “pray-ins” at local service stations. Why he chose California is unknown other than the fact that it is the only place he won’t seem crazy. Well, you were wrong, we still think you’re nuts. Maybe God told him to go there. “Go my son and pray before the pump of Chevron. I shall be waiting. You shall receive a sign. It shall say unto you $4.05 a gallon.” Rocky Twyman, a community organizer, church choir director and public relations consultant from the Washington, D.C. suburbs, is the organizer of the religious protests. "God is the only one we can turn to at this point," said Twyman. "Our leaders don't seem to be able to do anything about it. The prices keep soaring and soaring. God, deliver us from these high gas prices,” So of course he leaves the only place that can do anything about it, Washington D.C. and goes to San Francisco, the loony bin of the U.S. He should fit right in. His previous campaign was to get Oprah Winfrey nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. God wasn’t listening to that one either. I wonder if anybody has checked his medication? Certainly something has to be done about gas prices, but I don’t think group prayer at Chevron stations is going to do it. All that’s going to accomplish is getting frustrated patrons yelling, “Get your damn ass out of the way,” while they’re trying to pull in and fill up. God helps people who help themselves. Instead of asking for divine intervention, it seems like a political movement or boycotts would make a bit more sense. Most of us have been quietly praying that gas doesn’t hit $5.00 a gallon as it is. Hasn’t worked has it? It won’t be long and we’ll be seeing guys with trench coats on the corners speaking in a raspy voice, “Wanna buy some gas?” Why am I having flashbacks of Mad Max? Maybe if Twyman looks close enough he’ll discover Jesus’ face in a gas spill.

http://snafu-ed.blogspot.com/2008/04/gas-prices-too-high-it.html

MICHAEL JACKSON SWEARS OFF WOMEN?

That headline graced the top of an article I just couldn’t resist. You’ll find the link to it below. I didn’t know Michael had anything to do with women. Even Lisa Marie Presley admits that their relationship had little relationship to a relationship. I thought it was all small children and prepubescent boys along with the occasional chimp. The article says he let his nanny go whom he was apparently having a “relationship” with and has sworn off women for the time being. This comes as he moves ahead to record his first album of new music in god knows how long. What’s it going to be called “Broke?” Personally, I think the airwaves were just fine without him. It probably won’t be long and we will see the “nanny” smeared all over the tabloids after she made a beeline to her lawyer’s office in an effort to join the long list of multitudes that has already sued him. That’s probably why he’s recording the album. The legal fees, light bills, taxes, that endless barrage of costs that his weird personal life has brought him, should have sent him to the poor house by now. In an effort to focus on the music, he has reportedly banned his children from the recording studio. This has got to be this first time he has banned children from anywhere. I suppose though, if you’re constantly fantasizing about them, you can‘t concentrate. In a recent attempt to restore his credibility and appear somewhere other than a tabloid, he granted an interview with Ebony magazine, for which they put him on the cover. Ebony? Sorry, this man? There’s definately more ivory going on here than Ebony. Michael is so white he makes Barack Obama look black. The cover, which appeared in the December 2007 issue, has Michael in a white suit with a white background in a vain effort to show some contrast. All it does is prove how white he really is. It’s also been rumored that up and coming star Akon will appear on the album along with Michael. You know the rap star that had to forge a criminal career so he would fit in. Maybe he thinks hanging out with Michael will sully up his image a bit and make him appear “Bad.” Though I have to admit, Michael isn’t one who has the “Gangsta” image and hanging out with a weirdo like Mike probably isn’t going to help his resume. Personally, I think, instead of swearing off women, Michael should swear off his career, take few hints from Howard Hughes and lock himself away and cuddle up with the Elephant Man.

http://www.theboombox.com/2008/04/25/michael-jackson-swears-off-women/?icid=100214839x1200764619x1200027890

ADOLF HITLER MEETS CAPTAIN AMERICA AND GI JOE

A toy company in the Ukraine has come up with an interesting new idea, the Adolf Hitler doll. This 12” movable figure will be quite detailed and come with a variety of accessories. It will have several changes of clothes, you can have either the imposing Third Reich black with the swastika band on the arm or the “classic” brown-shirt early days of Adolf’s rise to power. Heck it’s even supposed to have his dog Blondi, the German Shepard available. Of course the Ukrainian company is causing a lot of controversy with their new product, but like most things it’s all in how you perceive it. You see, I collect action figures and my Captain America action figure could really use Adolf. These Marvel Action figures have 32 points of articulation, He can really kick Adolf’s butt. He’s tired of just chasing around the Red Skull. (For those of you that don’t know, the Red Skull is a perpetual Nazi WWII nemesis of Cap’s.) Now the Skull has someplace to get his orders from. This week’s episode, Can Captain America save Ken and Barbie from being tossed into the Easy-Bake Oven? I can even team him up with GI Joe. Can they stop Hitler from building his dreaded Atlantic Wall around my bathtub? I can even call in Indiana Jones, we all know he says “Nazis I hate those guys.” Yes, I have one of those too. Picture it, what a team-up. How about this, Hitler is resurrected in the future by the Red Skull. It’s now the 2000’s. What he fails to realize is Nick Fury, formerly, Sgt. Fury and his Howling Commandos, has all of SHIELD and Marvel’s Avengers working for him. Ben Grimm, the Thing,“It’s Clobberin’ Time” from the Fantastic Four, Ironman, the Hulk, Spiderman, the Human Torch, I have them all. I can even throw in the Silver Surfer for a cosmic power spanking. I’ll have Adolf crying like a baby by the time I’m done. My heroes need a new bad guy. Heck bring ‘em all on, Rommel, Himmler, I’ll even take a Panzer tank. “Hulk Smash.”

http://www.app.com/apps/pbcs.dll/section?category=PluckPersona&U=cce7c5f9d55442c7b8aeafa5e07cafe5&plckController=PersonaBlog&plckScript=personaScript&plckElementId=personaDest&plckPersonaPage=BlogViewPost&plckPostId=Blog%3acce7c5f9d55442c7b8aeafa5e07cafe5Post%3a7c4bd04a-c886-4c19-bd7a-877fac11cffb&plckCommentSortOrder=TimeStampAscending&sid=sitelife.app.com

BUDWEISER, BOOZE AND BIBLES - CHURCH MEETS AT THE PUB

How about some cocktails with your sermon? In Sidney, Ohio, the Country Rock Church is now holding services in a local pub. Their website promotes: “Top regional bands, pizza, wings, rowdy fun and a short message.” I’ve never known a sermon to be short, but if I’m drunk I don’t care. The ten commandments say nothing about getting loaded during church services. Now that I recall didn’t Jesus drink wine? Wow, a match made in heaven. Their first Sunday night service brought around 100 attendees. I expect it perked up a slow night for the bar. The first sermon compared life with the bar’s mechanical bull. Yee, haw, Ride ‘em cowboy. I bet that idea came after a couple of shots of tequila. Rev. Chris Heckaman says people really seemed to enjoy themselves. Chris, they were drunk. That’s the idea of getting drunk. Now I’ve always understood there are two taboos in a bar. You never talk about religion or politics. But then again, taboos are made to be broken and apparently the Reverend is a live on the edge kind of guy. I wonder if he tried the bull? Do some of the offerings go to tip the barmaids? Can you get up to go pee in the middle of the sermon? Beer can create awfully urgent situations. Do they rename the food for the evening? Fire and brimstone hot wings. The Good God Super Deluxe Pizza. Does the band work up a couple of hymns for the night or do they just stick with the old standards like Ghost Riders in the Sky and Free Bird. I can see where a little Stairway to Heaven could work. The Reverend says they are going to be meeting there every week. So remember, be kind, tip generously, and the Jello shots are on special. Next week’s sermon – eight ball in the corner pocket!

You have to check this out! Click the link below for the church website:
http://www.sidneyfirst.com/Discover/CountryRockChurch/tabid/140/Default.aspx
To read the news article about this click this link:http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2008/04/21/5348111-ap.html

PICK UP SOME POT WITH YOUR PIZZA AT THE DRIVE-THRU

At the Port Smith, Arkansas, Pizza Hut, you could get some special herb with that pizza to go. The manager of the Pizza hut was arrested for selling pot from the drive-thru window. I guess this was one innovative business practice that didn’t sit well. I’ll bet the owner of the pizza parlor will miss him, or at least the extra profits he brought in. I can see the beauty in this. Pick up your munchies along with your sack of weed and never leave the car. “I wanna order 10 supreme pizzas and 36 orders of bread sticks.” “Would you like some sodas for that cotton mouth later?” “Oh yea, thanks man you’re a real lifesaver. I’ll take four, 2 liters.” I wonder if they had a special button to ring that up on. Could you get delivery if you tipped the driver a doobie? The local police, working on a tip raided the manager’s office and found six ounces of marijuana and a digital scale, gotta have that portion control. I bet the tipster got shorted on a bag and complained. Maybe somebody goofed up his order and he got a half-ounce instead of a full one. This concept presents so many possibilities. “We’re running a special tonight. We‘ve got brownies.” How about that special herbed crust? I want to know if you could order a handful cooked right into your pizza “Hey everybody I got the best pizza in town. It’s the Pizza Hut cannabis deep dish with extra cheese.” I’m sure business has dropped dramatically now that every stoner’s fantasy has been ruined. “Dude, did you hear? We can’t get our pot and pizzas to go any more.” “I hate that. They get a special you really like and they discontinue it. It sucks man. I’m gonna miss that one.”

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080421/ap_on_fe_st/odd_drive_through_dope