MICHAEL JACKSON SWEARS OFF WOMEN?

That headline graced the top of an article I just couldn’t resist. You’ll find the link to it below. I didn’t know Michael had anything to do with women. Even Lisa Marie Presley admits that their relationship had little relationship to a relationship. I thought it was all small children and prepubescent boys along with the occasional chimp. The article says he let his nanny go whom he was apparently having a “relationship” with and has sworn off women for the time being. This comes as he moves ahead to record his first album of new music in god knows how long. What’s it going to be called “Broke?” Personally, I think the airwaves were just fine without him. It probably won’t be long and we will see the “nanny” smeared all over the tabloids after she made a beeline to her lawyer’s office in an effort to join the long list of multitudes that has already sued him. That’s probably why he’s recording the album. The legal fees, light bills, taxes, that endless barrage of costs that his weird personal life has brought him, should have sent him to the poor house by now. In an effort to focus on the music, he has reportedly banned his children from the recording studio. This has got to be this first time he has banned children from anywhere. I suppose though, if you’re constantly fantasizing about them, you can‘t concentrate. In a recent attempt to restore his credibility and appear somewhere other than a tabloid, he granted an interview with Ebony magazine, for which they put him on the cover. Ebony? Sorry, this man? There’s definately more ivory going on here than Ebony. Michael is so white he makes Barack Obama look black. The cover, which appeared in the December 2007 issue, has Michael in a white suit with a white background in a vain effort to show some contrast. All it does is prove how white he really is. It’s also been rumored that up and coming star Akon will appear on the album along with Michael. You know the rap star that had to forge a criminal career so he would fit in. Maybe he thinks hanging out with Michael will sully up his image a bit and make him appear “Bad.” Though I have to admit, Michael isn’t one who has the “Gangsta” image and hanging out with a weirdo like Mike probably isn’t going to help his resume. Personally, I think, instead of swearing off women, Michael should swear off his career, take few hints from Howard Hughes and lock himself away and cuddle up with the Elephant Man.

http://www.theboombox.com/2008/04/25/michael-jackson-swears-off-women/?icid=100214839x1200764619x1200027890

AKON, NO BAD ASS! SORRY, JUST ANOTHER GUY.

The old saying goes, there’s no such thing as bad publicity. For hip-hop star Akon, that just might not be true. In a scandal that is sure to rock the musical world, it has been discovered that Grammy winner Akon alias Aliuane Badara Thiam isn’t really a bad ass. In reality, he may have been an Eagle scout that helped little old ladies cross the street. Akon’s first single record release, “Locked Up” was supposed to have been an autobiographical song about being sent to the slam for drug dealing. He claims to have spent four and a half years in prison for a variety of felonies including running a high profile car theft operation, making him an instant hit with the bad boy “gangsta” crowd. Apparently, background checks have revealed a past so scandalous, that it will rock the music world worse than Milli Vanilli did in the 80’s. Yes it’s all a lie. He swiped a Beemer. Charges were dropped. In reality, he’s a good boy. Oh horror. He’s about as bad ass as Vanilla Ice. Minor brushes with the law have provided enough of a record to show he was on probation once. Yep, that’s it, milk and cookies. He made it all up. While most of the world tries to hide their criminal past with pleas of “I didn’t do it,” Akon felt he needed one to be popular. Next thing he’ll be claiming to have killed Jimmy Hoffa just to keep his career alive. Now that this has come out, he will probably end up in some club somewhere singing old Tony Bennett tunes. Maybe Disney will pick him up for High School Musical 3 or get him to sing a title song for a new animated flop. Motown records isn’t answering questions about this and who can blame them. What are they going to say “Sorry, we thought he was a crook.”

http://www.blackvoices.com/blogs/2008/04/18/akon-considered-a-fraud-for-lying-about-criminal-past/?icid=100214839x1200221685x1200007813