A.R. BROOMER LIMITED, YOUR SOURCE FOR BARGAIN GOD

Amanda Broomer sells the skulls of martyrs, the teeth of saints, and splinters from the cross of Jesus. In Manhattan’s Upper East Side, in New York, A. R. Broomer Limited deals in religious antiques. Other items include things like pieces of the body of Saint Therese made into a paste, clothing worn by Saint Anthony, or, one of my favorites, a touched nail, which means it’s a nail that touched a nail from the crucifixion. Of course people pay big bucks for this stuff and Broomer has a thriving business selling these items exclusively. Why am I picturing P.T. Barnum here. "I just got in three bone fragments of St. Francis of Assisi," she says. "He will go very quickly." I bet he will. The selling of religious objects is nothing new and it is quite prevalent in Europe where there are more of these to be found. People buy them in an effort to reconnect with the church and god. Why not just go to church. It might save you a few thousand dollars. I guess some people just aren’t satisfied with a bobble-head Virgin Mary. Vendors have a system in which relics are classified into grades. First class pertains to body parts of saints--a fingernail of the Apostle Paul, say, or a strand of the Virgin Mary's hair. Items (supposedly) touched by Jesus often are first class. The second class encompasses the relics of lesser figures--Mother Teresa's tennis shoes. The third class has items that have touched something first class like the "touched" nail. Am I the only one that thinks this is a really morbid scam? Broomer says she really likes the reliquaries, the ornate boxes that the items come in. She is also Jewish and doesn’t believe in holy objects. I can see where that would make it easier to deal in these things. She does say that she believes in the experiences her customers have concerning these objects. Number one rule of sales, relate to the customer. Broomer confides that her typical customer is male, single, middle-class and gay. Well, thanks to Broomer Limited salvation is just down the street so pick up your piece of Christ today. Decannonized saints are on markdown. Check out our line of holy grails.


http://www.forbes.com/lifestyle/forbes/2008/0519/140.html?partner=aol

SAN FRANCISCO PRAYER VIGIL HELD FOR GAS PRICES

Yes there is no doubt that gas prices are out of hand and have been for quite a long time. So high in fact that a Washington D.C. area resident has come to California to hold “pray-ins” at local service stations. Why he chose California is unknown other than the fact that it is the only place he won’t seem crazy. Well, you were wrong, we still think you’re nuts. Maybe God told him to go there. “Go my son and pray before the pump of Chevron. I shall be waiting. You shall receive a sign. It shall say unto you $4.05 a gallon.” Rocky Twyman, a community organizer, church choir director and public relations consultant from the Washington, D.C. suburbs, is the organizer of the religious protests. "God is the only one we can turn to at this point," said Twyman. "Our leaders don't seem to be able to do anything about it. The prices keep soaring and soaring. God, deliver us from these high gas prices,” So of course he leaves the only place that can do anything about it, Washington D.C. and goes to San Francisco, the loony bin of the U.S. He should fit right in. His previous campaign was to get Oprah Winfrey nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. God wasn’t listening to that one either. I wonder if anybody has checked his medication? Certainly something has to be done about gas prices, but I don’t think group prayer at Chevron stations is going to do it. All that’s going to accomplish is getting frustrated patrons yelling, “Get your damn ass out of the way,” while they’re trying to pull in and fill up. God helps people who help themselves. Instead of asking for divine intervention, it seems like a political movement or boycotts would make a bit more sense. Most of us have been quietly praying that gas doesn’t hit $5.00 a gallon as it is. Hasn’t worked has it? It won’t be long and we’ll be seeing guys with trench coats on the corners speaking in a raspy voice, “Wanna buy some gas?” Why am I having flashbacks of Mad Max? Maybe if Twyman looks close enough he’ll discover Jesus’ face in a gas spill.

http://snafu-ed.blogspot.com/2008/04/gas-prices-too-high-it.html

BUDWEISER, BOOZE AND BIBLES - CHURCH MEETS AT THE PUB

How about some cocktails with your sermon? In Sidney, Ohio, the Country Rock Church is now holding services in a local pub. Their website promotes: “Top regional bands, pizza, wings, rowdy fun and a short message.” I’ve never known a sermon to be short, but if I’m drunk I don’t care. The ten commandments say nothing about getting loaded during church services. Now that I recall didn’t Jesus drink wine? Wow, a match made in heaven. Their first Sunday night service brought around 100 attendees. I expect it perked up a slow night for the bar. The first sermon compared life with the bar’s mechanical bull. Yee, haw, Ride ‘em cowboy. I bet that idea came after a couple of shots of tequila. Rev. Chris Heckaman says people really seemed to enjoy themselves. Chris, they were drunk. That’s the idea of getting drunk. Now I’ve always understood there are two taboos in a bar. You never talk about religion or politics. But then again, taboos are made to be broken and apparently the Reverend is a live on the edge kind of guy. I wonder if he tried the bull? Do some of the offerings go to tip the barmaids? Can you get up to go pee in the middle of the sermon? Beer can create awfully urgent situations. Do they rename the food for the evening? Fire and brimstone hot wings. The Good God Super Deluxe Pizza. Does the band work up a couple of hymns for the night or do they just stick with the old standards like Ghost Riders in the Sky and Free Bird. I can see where a little Stairway to Heaven could work. The Reverend says they are going to be meeting there every week. So remember, be kind, tip generously, and the Jello shots are on special. Next week’s sermon – eight ball in the corner pocket!

You have to check this out! Click the link below for the church website:
http://www.sidneyfirst.com/Discover/CountryRockChurch/tabid/140/Default.aspx
To read the news article about this click this link:http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2008/04/21/5348111-ap.html