JEFF PECKMAN'S DENVER SPACE ALIEN INITIATIVE AGAIN

Jeff Peckman, a Denver, Colorado citizen has been trying to get an initiative started through the city of Denver that would create an Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission to prepare the city to deal with aliens. Now he is claiming to have footage of an alien peeking inside of someone’s window. Great, a peeping Tom alien. He intends to premiere this Friday. It sounds awfully Hollywood to me. I wonder if this will be a red carpet affair. Apparently the video, is supposed to become part of an upcoming documentary about earth being invaded by aliens from outer space. He claims the video is authentic and is part of what convinced him of the current need for action in Denver. "As impressive as it is, it's still one tiny portion in the context of a vast amount of peripheral evidence," he said Wednesday. "It's really the final visual confirmation of what you already know to be true having seen all the other evidence." It sounds pretty vague and what other evidence? He says he will show the video to City officials and media on Friday. This blog will be checking in on that. "It shows an extraterrestrial's head popping up outside of a window at night, looking in the window, that's visible through an infrared camera. The alien is about 4 feet tall and can be seen blinking,” Peckman said. If they’re only four feet tall, they don’t sound like much of a threat. Why were they there with infrared? Were they expecting it? Had it given prior notice of its arrival? Was this an RSVP? Here’s the thing that gets me. No one will be allowed to film the presentation Friday because there is some kind of deal in place for it regarding the documentary. What documentary? Who’s doing it? Even before I see it, this sounds staged to me as well as bought and paid for. This certainly is a way to get publicity for a small budget film. Maybe it’s trying to be another “Blair Witch Project.” How about “Voyeur Aliens From Space” or maybe it’s something like “Aliens Gone Wild.” Whatever it is we’re, going to be following this new illegal alien issue.http://www.rockymountainnews.com/news/2008/may/28/purported-ufo-video-be-shown-friday/

ROBOTS TO STIR SOUP

In Britain a $2 million dollar grant has been awarded to a company to develop a robot that can stir soup. Why does this seem stupid to me? It is funded by the European Commission and they feel it is a way to introduce robots into the service industry. I guess Americans aren’t the only ones that have to deal with government waste. Besides, aren’t these jobs supposed to be done by illegal immigrants? Bristol Robotics Lab in England is the lucky winner of the cash. "It will specifically look at the problems of a human and a robot working together in the same space, for example in a kitchen where the service robot is performing a task such as stirring soup, while you add cream." Let’s see, the economy is going into the toilet, unemployment is everywhere and you’re going to develop a robot that helps take away the few jobs that are out there. Am I missing something here? Why can’t we develop a robot that maybe runs into burning buildings or searches for earthquake victims? “Excuse me, call in Robby the Robot, soup’s on.” Lab director Professor Chris Melhuish explained: "When we interact with other humans we are interpreting facial expression, body position, gestures, tone of voice as well as sharing a goal and understanding and following verbal instructions. For example in the soup situation, not only does the robot need to know what the goal is but he also needs to know how hard to stir the soup, what it means when you hold up your hand to say enough, to interpret the look of pain on your face if you accidentally get splashed with hot soup, and to stop stirring when told. This project aims to develop the rules we need to introduce this level of sophistication into service robots who are working closely with people." Ok, I’m beginning to detect some issues here. Somebody doesn’t like working with people. Man, you need to get out more. Have you thought of dating. Is the soup bad in England? I mean, c’mon, you eat pickled eels and serve coffee (civit coffee) made from cat poop. How good can your cuisine be? The only thing palatable in England is the beer and that’s got alcohol to sterilize it. Just what I need is a robot bringing me my meal that whines like C3PO. “Oh my, I can speak 1000 languages and I’m stirring soup. R2, don’t touch that. R2 don’t go in there. Oh my no you’ve done it, the soup’s scorched.” What about the customers? “Oh waiter, there’s a microprocessor in my soup.” Robotic research fine. A robot to stir my soup? Get a real project.
http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=147434&in_page_id=2

COP BUSTED FOR PARKING IN HANDICAPPED AT DONUT SHOP

Have you ever thought, hmm. I’ll only be a minute so I’ll just grab the handicapped spot? Sure, you have. You may not have done it, but you’ve thought it. In Missassauga, Ontario a police officer thought that and got caught. He decided to run into a Tim Horton’s coffee and donut shop, grab a cup of coffee and a sweet treat and run right back out. No problem right? Just as he ran in, a double amputee from Sault Sainte Marie, Canada pulls up. "I was shocked," said Gerard Taylor, "I said, 'Quick, we have got to get a picture.'" This was one cop that was in the wrong place at the wrong time. We all know that coffee and donuts is a high priority for these guys. Lesson for the day: I have to admit, I live on the Canadian border, Tim Horton’s coffee is awesome, but certainly a 20-foot walk probably would have done this cop some good. It’s called exercise. Yes, you too can get off you butt and actually get your blood moving for about 30 seconds in prelude to that cholesterol laden taste treat that you’re about to stuff in your head. According to Taylor the cop was only there for a couple of minutes, he thinks someone told him he’d been caught, but it’s the principle of the thing that has him irked. There’s nothing worse than caught in the act. "He was only parked there for 90 seconds because I think someone told him about us snickering and talking about taking a picture, so he left without even a coffee in hand," he said. "Still, that is 90 seconds of a handicapped person's life that is already hard enough. It's the principle." Only time will tell if the police department will actually do something with this lazy cop, especially now that it’s made the news with a picture and they are publicly embarrassed. Taylor calls himself one of the unofficial “accessibility police.” He lurks about just waiting for those moments of “I’ll just be a minute.” Yes in this day and age of cellphones with cameras, compact video recorders and the like, you’d better watch yourself. Those handicapped spots are under surveillance. The Accessibility Police will get you. Even if you are the police. Beware the temptation of the handicapped spot.

http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2008/05/24/5658436-sun.html

FIDO GETS XEROXED

A northern California biotech company has announced that it will hold five online auctions to have your dog cloned. Yes now you can get copies of your favorite fido. The only thing is that the minimum bid is $100,000. Well, that’s a bit steep to pay for a dog, even if it is genetically engineered. The place is BioArts International located in Mill Valley, CA. It is the brainchild of Lou Hawthorne, and the research is led by Hwang Woo Suk a South Korean scientist who suffered international disgrace for having faked his research. OK, let me get this straight, you want me to pay over 100 grand to clone my dog with a guy who’s a known fraud. They must be operating from the theory that there’s a sucker born every minute. People are up in arms about this because they think this is the first step to human cloning. I think this is the least of their worries. Hawthorne used to run a company called Genetic Savings and Clone, but it folded when they tried to get people to clone their cats for $50,000. They had few takers and went bankrupt. Now he’s back and has set his sights on dogs. "The average dog owner has a different relationship with his dog than the average cat owner," Hawthorne said. "The level of intensity on the dog side just dwarfed what we saw on the cat side." In other words, he thinks they’re easier to fleece. I haven’t found out yet where the online auctions are to be held, but I’m hoping Ebay will refuse this one. The guy just doesn’t have good feedback. Of course there always those out there that have too much money and no sense. It’s not the research I object, though god knows we have enough normal pets in the world that people don’t want already, but it’s the man’s reputation. I think maybe hwang ought to consider horticulture. BioArts said in a statement it has been granted the sole license for cloning dogs, cats and endangered species using patented processes developed for the cloning of Dolly the sheep, the first successfully cloned animal. Ok someone isn’t paying attention to the background here. We have a previously failed company and a fly-by night scientist. This thing screams plot for a bad “B” sci-fi movie, Attack of the Clone Dogs. Well, at least something is still being made in America. Step right up, get your preordered dog, use our handy drive-thru window. Would you like a happy meal with that?
http://news.aol.com/story/_a/company-will-clone-dogs-for-top-bidders/20080522093409990002?icid=100214839x1202690249x1200106843

STONER FAILS TO SEE COP WHEN BARTERING WITH POT

First rule, when you go into the party store to pay for your munchies, make sure you have enough money. Second rule, if you don’t, put something back. Third rule, look around at your surroundings. Fourth rule, and this is the big one, don’t try to pay with pot when a cop is standing behind you in line. Take Wade Churchward of Wellington, New Zealand for instance, actually, don’t the guy’s too loaded, you wouldn’t want him. He had apparently been drinking, getting stoned and had an attack of the screaming munchies. Personally I would have gone to find an all-you-can-eat buffet here, but to each his own. He pulls into a local party store to cure his all consuming problem. His mind is focused on one objective, food, food. He picks up two packages of M&Ms and some potato chips. This is a very sensible stoner diet. So far so good. When he goes to the cashier to pay for it, he realizes he doesn’t have enough money to pay for it. Red, Flag, Red Flag. Time to resort to the barter system. He reaches into his pocket and finds something he thinks he can trade. So far, not so good. Here we get to Churchward’s prime error. He had apparently failed to notice the police vehicle parked outside the building and the police officer that had taken his place in line right behind him. Ooops. Actually, big ooops. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small sack of marijuana and the pipe to smoke it in and asks if the store clerk is willing to trade. The police officer behind him slaps on the cuffs. No kidding, what a surprise. That’s enough to turn any day into a fast bummer. He pleaded guilty in District Court to possessing marijuana. Yes, that one is going to be a little hard to argue. Even Perry Mason isn’t getting him out of this one. Churchward was released on bail and will be sentenced on July 3. I wonder if they allowed him to barter that. “Dudes, I’ve got a kilo I’ll trade for bail.” Marijuana possession is usually punished by a minor fine in New Zealand. So, next time you go to the store, stupid stoned, check to make sure you have enough money AND LOOK FOR THE COP BEHIND YOU IN LINE! Today’s lesson has been brought to you by Wade Churchward, winner of the coveted “Can’t handle your high” award. Congratulations, your certificate will be arriving in the mail. (I wonder if he’ll read this and actually check for it?)

http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2008/05/20/5617976-ap.html

PILOT AND STEWARDESS' NIGHT OF DRUNKEN DEBAUCHERY GOES BAD

We’ve all heard about the pilot and stewardess tales, flitting from one destination to the other having affairs on their layovers and in general partying in all of those wonderful exotic locations. This story shatters that dreamy idyllic illusion. Yes there are a million stories with the naked pilots, this is one of them. In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, so much for the exotic location, Jeffery Paul Bradford and Adrianna Grace Connor, gotta love the names though, both employees of Pinnacle Airlines were having dinner at a diner. It had been a long night of drinking and partying. Their evening was not over. Pheromones were thick, as was the overwhelming urge of alcohol so they decided to take a walk in the woods. Somehow, it’s not really clear when, either during or after satisfying their carnal urges to two became separated from each other and their clothes. Oh horror, naked white people are running loose in the Pennsylvania woods. Yes, they were lost. People in the neighborhood summoned police at about 9:30 pm saying they had seen a naked man and an intoxicated woman wandering about. That’s when they called in the helicopter with the heat seeking equipment, the search was on. Bradford was discovered hiding behind a shed shortly before midnight. Connor was picked up after she had stolen someone’s car. “We just wanted to do it in the woods.” Was all they had to say for themselves. They did it alright. Bradford is being charged with indecent exposure, public drunkenness, and other unspecified charges. Connor is charged with theft of a motor vehicle, public drunkenness, and other minor offences including the theft of a flashlight from a neighbor’s car. Yes, our story ends with one bit of advice, if your’e going into the woods, take a compass stupid. Or better yet get a room. It’ll keep the dirt out of your butt. And your name off the internet.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080520/ap_on_fe_st/odd_naked_pilot

GHOST CAUSES CAR CRASHES - WHO YA GONNA CALL?

You’re driving along a country road at night and you see a little girl in the middle of the road. You swerve, and next thing you know you’re in the ditch. You get out to make sure the little girl is alright and she’s gone, just like she wasn’t there. Well that’s supposedly what’s happening on a stretch of road near Birmingham, England. People have reported seeing a girl, around five years of age and clothed in Victorian dress on the road. It has been blamed for several crashes and near misses over the years. So who ya gonna call? Ghostbusters! Well, England’s version of it anyway, called Parasearch. It just doesn’t have the same ring to it does it? A West Midlands Police spokesman said the most recent incidents included a crash involving a motorbike and a car in November while last July a woman was taken to hospital after a collision on the same stretch. David Taylor, chairman of Parasearch has said he hasn’t found a rational explanation for the sightings so far. I bet not. Finding it would only mean the job was over and the paychecks wouldn’t come in any more. I suggest checking to see how close the local pub is. The tale of the five-year old girls seems to be repeated and now that the news has gotten out, I expect that she will be blamed for most of them. “But officer, I wasn’t drinking, it was a strange little girl in the middle of the road. The twelve Guiness’ had nothing to do with it.” Of course this could all be an optical illusion of some sorts, like marsh gas, or pink elephants. Taylor says that “The area around there is an accident blackspot and there have been some serious incidents, so maybe they had all seen the same thing.” He has been investigating paranormal claims for over 22 years. We don’t know if he’s actually been successful at it. Of course all of these sightings have happened in the dead of night, after the pubs have closed. I think there may be a correlation here. Wow, I’ve explained it. Maybe I should start my own Ghostbusters. Haunted house? How much liquor, ya got? Explained it. I’ll cash their check in the morning.
http://www.metro.co.uk/news/article.html?in_article_id=148231&in_page_id=34

THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE TASERED

In Boulder, Colorado, two men stood looking at each other, staring into one another’s eyes, waiting for the other to draw. Cue music from old Clint Eastwood, spaghetti western. Our story begins with a dispute. They always do. Harvey Epstein, a restaurant owner and Casey Dane, a supervisor for Security Services Inc. got into an argument over a metal boot that had been placed on one of the restaurant employee’s van. Showdown! Dane told police he was afraid Epstein was going to hit him with a 60 centimetre-long pair of bolt cutters. Epstein told police he had only tried to remove the boot with the bolt cutters and hadn't threatened anyone with them. Epstein told police Dane put his hand on a holstered pistol and threatened to shoot him. Dane told The Associated Press by telephone that he did put his hand on the holstered pistol but never threatened to shoot Epstein. Have we sorted this all out yet? No, the best is yet to come. The two had a standoff. They stared into each other’s eyes. Then they drew… tasers. Both hit their mark. Both twitched uncontrollably. Both went down. “They shot each other,” said Police Sgt. Pat Wyton. “It was just kind of a bonehead deal.” Neither men needed medical attention. The security guard says that the van was parked in an area he was to patrol. The employees says it wasn’t. So the argument rages on. Could we get a sequel? A Fistful of Tasers? For a Few Tasers More? Maybe we could talk Clint into doing a guest tasering. Hmmm, this has possibilities.
http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2008/05/18/5606121-ap.html

GAMER BOY HIRES HOOKERS FOR HALO

Sex in the city? No babes around the Xbox. A 13 year old boy, Ralph Hardy from Newark, Texas, ordered an extra copy of his dad’s credit card. Bad boy. He then proceeded to take his friends on a $30,000 spending spree. Really bad boy. He then decided to hire a couple of hookers and take them back to a motel. Young teenagers with hormones raging you ask? No they hired them to play Xbox and Halo with them. The prostitutes later told police that they became suspicious that these boys might be under age at this point. Really. How old could they have looked at 13. Could the lack of facial hair tipped them off? The boys were obviously tired of playing with themselves and needed some new action. But did the ladies raise the alarm? No, it was the delivery man that brought them Dr. Pepper and Oreos. Why go and get it when you can have it delivered? They confided in the delivery guy that they had gotten their windfall of money at a World of Warcraft tournament. He then called the police after the boys asked for advice on hiring more women. Apparently the ones they found weren’t that great at Halo. When the police arrived, they found $3,000 in cash, an Xbox, and two hookers. The fun part of this is, other than the credit card issue, none of this is illegal. Ralph told police that his lawyer father wouldn’t mind the whole thing because he had forgotten his birthday the week before. Apparently Ralph was wrong because he has been convicted of fraud and is doing three years, community service. Bad boy. As for Ralph’s friends, they apparently let him take the rap. Halo, hookers and Oreos, those wild and crazy gamers, what will they come up with next? I know, Guitar Hero, Groupies, and Root Beer. There’s nothing like living on the edge.



http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=148080&in_page_id=2

A.R. BROOMER LIMITED, YOUR SOURCE FOR BARGAIN GOD

Amanda Broomer sells the skulls of martyrs, the teeth of saints, and splinters from the cross of Jesus. In Manhattan’s Upper East Side, in New York, A. R. Broomer Limited deals in religious antiques. Other items include things like pieces of the body of Saint Therese made into a paste, clothing worn by Saint Anthony, or, one of my favorites, a touched nail, which means it’s a nail that touched a nail from the crucifixion. Of course people pay big bucks for this stuff and Broomer has a thriving business selling these items exclusively. Why am I picturing P.T. Barnum here. "I just got in three bone fragments of St. Francis of Assisi," she says. "He will go very quickly." I bet he will. The selling of religious objects is nothing new and it is quite prevalent in Europe where there are more of these to be found. People buy them in an effort to reconnect with the church and god. Why not just go to church. It might save you a few thousand dollars. I guess some people just aren’t satisfied with a bobble-head Virgin Mary. Vendors have a system in which relics are classified into grades. First class pertains to body parts of saints--a fingernail of the Apostle Paul, say, or a strand of the Virgin Mary's hair. Items (supposedly) touched by Jesus often are first class. The second class encompasses the relics of lesser figures--Mother Teresa's tennis shoes. The third class has items that have touched something first class like the "touched" nail. Am I the only one that thinks this is a really morbid scam? Broomer says she really likes the reliquaries, the ornate boxes that the items come in. She is also Jewish and doesn’t believe in holy objects. I can see where that would make it easier to deal in these things. She does say that she believes in the experiences her customers have concerning these objects. Number one rule of sales, relate to the customer. Broomer confides that her typical customer is male, single, middle-class and gay. Well, thanks to Broomer Limited salvation is just down the street so pick up your piece of Christ today. Decannonized saints are on markdown. Check out our line of holy grails.


http://www.forbes.com/lifestyle/forbes/2008/0519/140.html?partner=aol

DARTH VADER ATTACKS JEDI CHURCH IN UK

George Lucas may have started more than he bargained for. Did you know there is an actual church of the Jedi? Yes, in Britain, in Holyhead, Wales is a church that espouses the teachings behind the “force” in the Star Wars movies. I wonder if they talk like Yoda during services? “The force, you must worship. With you, it is.” Church founder, Barney Jones also known as Master Jonba Hehol, I can see why he changed his name, Jedi Master Barney just doesn’t do it, was attacked in his church. 27 year old Arwel Wynne Hughes, dressed up as Darth Vader and attacked the Jedi Master. Apparently light sabers were not involved. Alcohol was. Arwel admits to having drunk the better part of 2 and ½ gallons of wine. He dressed as Darth Vader, came into the church and shouted “Darth Vader! Jedis!” and beaned Barney with a metal crutch. He should have been shouting “I am your Father.” I’m not sure if that is new training for the Sith or where the crutch came from. He also smacked Jones’ cousin, Michael Jones – Master Mormi Hehol bruising his thigh. Arwel had drunk enough he doesn’t actually remember the attack but the whole thing was caught on video as the two cousins were about to record themselves having a light saber duel. I don’t know why they didn’t defend themselves. The church has about 30 members and claims “insight and knowledge as a guide to living a more worthwhile life.” "We all love the films and what they stand for. Obviously some people are going to laugh about it," the Wales on Sunday newspaper quoted Barney Jones as saying last month. "But a lot of people do take it seriously." It appears he may be correct because in a 2001 census, 390,000 Brits put down Jedi as their religion. 20,000 in Canada. Arwel Hughes was fined for the attack and then released, yes, Darth Vader still roams the Welsh countryside. Probably planning his next attack on the Jedi temple. The British “Empire” obviously working with Vader in his plans to do them in with crutches. What was that? Palpatine for Parlaiment? Darth Maul seen in a Scottish pub. Trouble, there is. Trust in the force Hehol, trust in the force.

http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2008/05/13/5550661-ap.html

CRYSTAL SKULL STOLEN FROM NEW AGE SHOP IN CALIFORNIA

Ok, I have the Indiana Jones theme running through my head already. A large crystal skull, named Solar Ray, yes they actually named it, was ripped off from a new age shop in Claremont, California. It was openly on display with absolutely no security measures in place. I think California has got be officially the flakiest place on earth. “We have zero shoplifting in here, and I have no idea why anyone would take something as lovely as that,” said Persis Newland, owner of Kindred Spirits. You don’t? Let’s see, does having something really cool for nothing ring a bell. Did his mother really name him Persis? The skull had been on loan and was residing on an altar in the store’s classroom area. “He was on an altar, and he just enjoyed being here,” said employee Kristen Nestor, who supervises the store’s weekly crystal-reading classes. “He participated in our classes.” So far, near as I can tell, he was the smartest one there. I want to know how he actually participated. Did he raise his crystal eyebrow when he wanted to ask a question? The skull was authentic and was believed to be 500 years old and is similar to the one that is in the new upcoming Indiana Jones movie. There is a legend that the Maya possessed 13 of the crystal skulls and when united they would save the earth. It’s the basis of the new Indy movie. Newland believes that the focus on the film may have prompted the theft. It doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes or Indiana Jones to put that one together. It’s also believed that the skulls can heal and influence natural events. Well, if they influence natural events, they must really be angry lately. Maybe the class they should have been holding for the skull was anger management. “He likes to travel and things like that,” Nestor said. What, does he pack up his little crystal bag and book a flight? Can crystal skulls get visas? “He was here for about four months, just enjoying everyone who comes through here.” Well, it seems that someone enjoyed him a little too much. If it was Mayan, maybe its green card ran out. Instead of stolen he may have been deported. I bet the skull wasn’t getting paid and this was a new age sweat shop. Has anyone called the INS?

http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2008/05/12/5543991-ap.html

THE GEORGE BUSH SEWAGE TREATMENT PLANT

A group in San Francisco called the Presidential Memorial commission wants to rename one of the City Sewage Treatment plants the George W Bush Sewage Plant. Considering Bush’s environmental policies, there may be some irony in this. Ordained Minister and activist John Rinaldi, who ran for mayor last year under the name of Chicken John, is one of the sponsors of the petition. I guess the religious right isn’t as impressed with Bush as he thought they were. Rinaldi says it would turn every toilet in San Francisco into a shrine to GW and all of his achievements in his eight years as our Commander-in-Chief. A leader of the local Republican Party, Leo Lacayo says it’s insulting. Howard Epstein, Chairman of the City’s Republican Party says, “it’s just another crazy idea from the weirdo transients that call San Francisco home.” Actually I didn’t know there were Republicans in San Francisco. Organizers have so far collected about 1,100 of the needed 10,000 signatures to get it on the ballot. Republicans say that if it makes it, it has a good chance of passing. Sort of like gas. They call it a waste of time and money. The Republicans should know about that. "This is the best memorial that San Francisco is going to give to George Bush, and he should appreciate it for its face value, for exactly what it is. It's actually the least we can do." Says Rinaldi. The White house says they won’t dignify this with a comment. It doesn’t surprise me that this is one they want kept hush - hush. I expect Rinaldi has his very own Cia agent by now.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,354706,00.html

DESMOND TUTU HUCKS FREE MUSIC DOWNLOADS

South African Nobel Peace Prize winner Desmond Tutu has signed on to promote a new free legal music download site. Ok, I’m having a hard time picturing the octogenarian Archbishop boogieing to his I-pod in his spare time. I’m having an even harder time picturing him actively promoting a website. Let’s see how this pans out. The website is called welovefreemusic.com. It is a product of S.O.S. Records, Speed of Sound, and intends to offer free MP3 downloads. The idea is to get musicians to put their music up for free, get their music rated by users and then maybe get discovered. Doesn’t Myspace and 27 million other sites already do this? Maybe they think by having the Archbishop onboard a little divine intervention will help their success. Desmond Tutu claims he is a fan of free downloadable music and met the CEO of S.O.S. Records, Steve Nowack, during a chance meeting. More divine intervention? I just can’t picture the Archbishop’s face in an ad in Rolling Stone saying “Yo, check out this bustin’ new site for your jams.” In a statement Tutu says, “I am participating because we all belong to the human family and each human being has been touched by music. Until now there are people who may not have been able to access music because of the barrier of finance. Steve’s project is now going to break down that barrier.” Apparently Tutu hasn’t got online much. I find free downloads everywhere, legal ones. The people who haven’t been able to access music don’t have a computer at all or online capabilities. All I have to say is that I hope he didn’t put any of his personal funds into this. Nowack must have been some smooth talker. Tutu’s celebrity power may get the site some attention, but bringing free music to the world, that’s already been done. I think maybe the initials S.O.S. may be prophetic as to the fate of this one.
http://technologyexpert.blogspot.com/2008/05/archbishop-desmond-tutu-loves-free.html

TEACHER FIRED FOR WIZARDRY

TEACHER FIRED FOR WIZARDRY

Somewhere along the way it seems the memo got lost that since Harry Potter, being a wizard is cool. At a school in Florida, a substitute teacher, Jim Piculas performed a magic trick. He made a toothpick disappear and then reappear. You know the kind of trick a clown does at a birthday party or any amateur magician does for a drink at the bar. Simple right? Apparently not, because the next day he got a phone call from the head supervisor for substitute teachers. He was told "Jim, we have a huge issue. You can't take any more assignments. You need to come in right away." When he asked about it, he says he was told, "You've been accused of wizardry." Big Issue? Shades of the Ministry of Magic. Now I’ve seen Harry Potter. A toothpick appearing and disappearing does not qualify as wizardry. It barely qualifies as a trick. Though, this does explain the rule against performing magic in front of muggles. This guy is certainly no Voldemort. It’s not like he made one of the kids disappear and then couldn’t bring them back again. Piculas’ job is now doing a disappearing act and he fears that this may stick with him and affect his ability to find employment elsewhere. Well, let’s look at the want ads. Wizards, Wizards. Hmmm. There doesn’t appear to be much. I wonder if Hogwarts is hiring? Dumbeldor’s army is looking for recruits.
http://snafu-ed.blogspot.com/2008/05/school-teacher-fired-over-wizardry.html

POLICE OFFICER SHOOTS HIMSELF IN ANKLE DURING DEMO

In Mayberry, Barney Fife was never allowed to put his one bullet into his gun. Police Chief David Hansen should have had the same rule. Actually I don’t think this guy should be allowed near a loaded gun. During a class in Riverside, Utah, which would enable participants to get their concealed weapons permits, Hansen decided to load his Glock 40. Students say they were nervous when he did it and saw no reason for the action. "We were told the gun is the chief's personal sidearm, but it looked to me like he didn't know anything about the gun," Lewis Walker said, one of the students. It appears his observation may have been correct. He put the gun under a table to disassemble it while it was still loaded and it went off shooting Hansen in the ankle. This proves once again that stupid people, carelessness and loaded weapons just don’t mix. Yes, let’s let Zippy the Pinhead have a gun. The students were lucky he only shot himself. An officer at the scene joked that "instead of shooting himself, he should have used the Taser." I can see where that might have been entertaining. The local police spin on this is that the chief is a hero and that the students are disgruntled. Disgruntled, they’re lucky they weren’t killed. Yes let’s pin medals on morons. It appears they need to rethink who teaches this class, like maybe someone…qualified? They could have learned more from a street hood. This certainly follows the saying, “It’s not the machinery, it’s the operator. If residents are smart, they’ll be applying for their weapons permits in the next town over. Maybe they should downgrade their class demos to a Supersoaker.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080507/ap_on_fe_st/police_chief_shot

CAN I GET A BEER TO GO?

Bill Bramanti of Illinois is planning on taking one with him. That’s when he dies. Bramanti is a true beer drinker. And has had his coffin made in the image of a Pabst Blue Ribbon beer can to prove it. This proves you can get absolutely anything these days. Yes, in a thousand years, if archaeologists dig up Bill, they’re going to know what kind of man he was, a beer man. Currently, there’s nothing wrong with Bramanti and he has no intentions of passing on into the great beyond anytime soon. In the meantime, he’s thrown a party and he fills the coffin with ice and beer, Pabst of course. This guy is going to be a riot at tailgate parties. Pull up, flip open your coffin and and start drinking all the soon to be dead soldiers inside. I bet that coffin holds a lot of beer. I wonder, since he’s currently using it as a cooler, is there a spout to drain the water for the ice. This could be a whole new sideline for Coleman. The multipurpose Mega Cooler! A cooler now, a coffin later. He figures, why put such a great piece on the shelf when it can fulfill such a practical purpose while he’s still alive. Bramanti says the coffin is a great fit and yes he has tried it out. It presents some interesting possibilities. Does it come with a pop top? If left unrefrigerated does it get skunky? I supposes shaking it up is a bad idea. If five of his buddies do the same thing can they get buried as a 6-pack? When you buy one, does it come with a complimentary can cozy? When he does pass, I think they should bury him with a 12 to go.

http://news.aol.com/story/_a/hes-got-pabst-blue-ribbon-as-his-shrine/20080505092009990001

SPACE ALIENS IN DENVER

Jeff Peckman of Denver Colorado wants the city to be prepared for the arrival of Space Aliens. He is proposing a commission to deal with the matter and wants it on the city’s agenda. Next week there will be a review and comment meeting concerning Peckman’s proposal. I know what my comments would be. “When did they take you off your medication?” “Don’t we have enough alien problems without bringing the interstellar kind in as well?” Peckman wants to form an 18 member commission that would create strategies on dealing with issues relating to extraterrestrials here on earth. First, I didn’t know space aliens had issues. Second, aren’t the “Men in Black” supposed to be dealing with this problem? Does Denver have in inordinate amount of extraterrestrials roaming the streets, sleeping in alleys, landing in backyards, trying to date their children? It might explain the performance of the Broncos the last couple of years. I think the thin air in the “Mile High” city is getting to them. They say you can adapt but maybe extended living with a lack of oxygen is taking its toll. Peckman needs to collect the signature of 4,000 Denver residents that agree with him to get his proposal on the ballot in November. Good luck with that. We have a lot of alien problems in this country but coming from space isn’t one of them yet. Hey, I don’t say it’s impossible but since they haven’t revealed themselves why make it an issue. We have enough people on welfare. We don’t need extraterrestrials too. I say, send them back where they came from. Make them get jobs like everyone else. If they get jobs that means they’ll be in China anyway and it isn’t Denver’s problem.

http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2008/05/03/5463391-ap.html

CIVIL SERVANT REGISTERS 780,000 HITS ON PORN SITES

A Japanese civil servant has been demoted for visiting porn sites during work. In a nine month period his computer registered over 780,000 hits! Let’s see that’s nearly 3000 a day, Apparently this is Japan’s tax dollars at work. Godzilla and baseball just didn’t satisfy this guy. The man, whose name is being withheld, worked, well obviously there wasn’t much working going on, for the Kinokawa city government. He’s been demoted, hopefully to a job that doesn’t have an internet hookup. I would wonder what he was thinking, but it is obvious that there was only one thing on his mind. Get a date, go to a bar, buy a blow-up doll. According to his computer log, he registered 170,000 hits in July alone. That must have been one hot summer. He had to be porn’s single best customer. Didn’t this guy have any actual work to do? Nobody had a clue this was going on. Was his job so unimportant that no one ever checked up on him. His porn addiction was only discovered after his computer caught a virus and officials actually viewed his computer log. I wonder how many of those sites the techs bookmarked. This is probably the only time a computer virus did some good. Hopefully the offender is headed for counseling. Truthfully, I think he should have blogged his “Best Sites” and he probably would have been a hit. Then he could have dated porn stars and fulfilled his every fantasy. Before long the book deals would have been rolling in. It would give a new meaning to “Hawt Posts.” You would have been cool instead of just weird. People just don’t think these things out. Wait a minute, maybe I….


http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080502/ap_on_fe_st/japan_internet_porn

THE DUCT TAPE BANDIT ADMITS GUILT

I guess I wouldn’t have wanted to admit to this either. Kasey Kazee had wrapped his head with duct tape in a vain effort to not be recognized when he robbed an Ashland, Kentucky liquor store. Apparently he didn’t think about how it would feel when he tried to take it back off. A photo of him shows exactly how stupid this guy is and looks. You can see it by clicking on the link below. Kazee is a Darwin Award looking for a place to happen. There was absolutely no thought processes going on here whatsoever. He went in to rob the clerk with a knife. As he was leaving, he was tackled by another employee of the store and then several patrons of a nearby store ran over and helped subdue him. When the police arrived, they asked the store clerk how much he had stolen, she said she didn’t know, but counting the till revealed that it was $15 short. Dude, you were almost rich. Let’s see, Duct Tape $5.95, first aid for beating you took in the parking lot, $25, court costs $600, being forever known as the Duct Tape Bandit, priceless. Well, it is Kentucky. When he was at the police station, he denied that it was him. His head was wrapped in duct tape and they picked him up at the scene of the crime. What about this says “I didn’t do it?” I must credit the manufacturers of duct tape. Though he was the worse for wear when the patrons subdued him, the duct tape held up excellently. I think they should come up with an ad campaign. “Duct Tape, we never dreamed there were this many uses.” “Duct Tape the choice of stupid bandits everywhere.” “Duct Tape, It’ll keep your head from falling apart.” ‘Duct Tape, don’t plan your holdup without it.” Fortunately Kazee will be going away for awhile, locked somewhere where he won’t have to use that overtaxed brain of his. Please, God don’t have let him reproduce, though I fear it may already be too late.

See the Duct Tape Bandit, click here:http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=145432&in_page_id=2