NANNY ROBOTS FOR CHILD CARE

When I was younger, ugh, I hate to go there, one of my favorite Twilight Zone episodes was taken from a great Ray Bradbury story called “I Sing the Body Electric.” It’s about a group of children that lose their mother and the Father, who has to work all day goes and gets an android nanny to care for them. It was heartwarming, touching and fiction. Not any more. NEC has come up with a robot for child care called PaPeRo. Yes now you can drop your kids off with the cute cuddly little ‘droid. It is capable of recognising and talking to people. It can send images by mobile phone, as well as play games and sing along. OK now here comes the weird part and the one I don’t get. Adults can control the robot via the internet and see through it using cameras. They can even speak to children through the robot's voice. Now doesn’t this make the robot redundant and stupid. In other words if you have to monitor the children through the robot and the robot’s behavior, doesn’t it make as much sense or more to still just have a human day care worker? You haven’t eliminated the need. If it’s the parents that are monitoring the robot, how do they work? If it’s at a day care facility, you still have the day care worker monitoring the day care of the robot. You might as well have them in the room with them. All you’ve created is an expensive toy for the kids. You can do the same thing with a set of Transformers. OK, they get to interact with R2D2 but beyond that this is useless. Kids are smart. You wait, one of them will show up with a wrench and PaPeRo will be PartseRo spread all over the floor. The first time one of them shoots him with a squirt gun and short circuits him it’ll be the crap heap for PaPeRo. Trip him and see what happens, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.” “Hey PaPeRo, would you like some of my pudding?” Nope. This just isn’t going to work.

http://www.metro.co.uk/news/article.html?in_article_id=163013&in_page_id=34

TRYING TO SEE DEAD PEOPLE

Paranormal societies and ghost hunter groups are popping up all over. Unlike the tortured little boy in the movie the Sixth Sense who sees apparitions of the dead unintentionally, these people are going out and daily trying to stir up haunts from the other side. Personally, I think flirting with the dead is only asking for an accelerated means to join them. Just so we understand each other, I believe in ghosts, I’ve seen them. This does not mean that I want to encourage their presence into my everyday life. Scaring myself on purpose just is not fun. Now to the crux of things. Due to the popularity of TV shows like Ghost Whisperer and Sci-fi’s Ghost Hunters, paranormal societies all around the country are seeing a boom in membership. Yes everybody seems to want to know what goes on in the mind of a dead person. “Ghost reality shows have really opened the door for people to get involved themselves,” said James Willis, founder of The Ghosts of Ohio. Yep, the more the merrier. Apparently ghosts love a party. Forty of the 60 people who attended a recent dinner in Erie, Pa., that featured the Paranormal Study and Research Group asked if they could join the group or tag along on ghost hunts. A year earlier, only two or three asked to be involved after a similar event. Do ghosts like crowds? “Just thought I’d stop by to let you know I’m real. Got a cocktail?” Yea right. “We’re actually grateful for Ghost Hunters because instead of being a bunch of freaks, we’re like the cool people on TV,” founder Pat Jones said. “People used to look at us like we were absolutely insane, and now they want to come along with us. It’s almost like every day is Halloween.” Is that what this is about, not being considered flakes anymore, the endless search for credibility of the intangible. I know you were the kid that got beat up in school and now someone is paying attention to you in a way that doesn’t cause physical pain. Let’s see, I can go to Wal-mart, grab a video camera, throw up a website for a couple of bucks, call myself “Seekers of the Unknown, (Ya like that? Has a ring to it doesn’t it?) then run around in old houses and graveyards video taping nothing and hoping for something. If paint falls off the wall, I have ghostly activity. Cool. YouTube here I come. I can start my own channel, Spirits 24/7. “If you want to be taken seriously in this field, you have to acknowledge that some of the stuff out there is not real,” says Willis. So even if I get a video with nothing, it’s cool, because you don’t actually have to have ghosts to be a ghost hunter. Wow, sounds like a win win to me. This is almost too easy. And you get money for this? Yep, guest appearances, conventions, TV shows, elite memberships, sort of like the league of extraordinary ghost guys. Ghosts R Us, here I come. Next thing you know we will have someone going to the Denver City Council trying to get a commission on dealing with all the ghosts in town like Jeff Peckman is for UFOs. See previous blog.
http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2008/05/28/5696391-ap.html

JEFF PECKMAN'S DENVER SPACE ALIEN INITIATIVE AGAIN

Jeff Peckman, a Denver, Colorado citizen has been trying to get an initiative started through the city of Denver that would create an Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission to prepare the city to deal with aliens. Now he is claiming to have footage of an alien peeking inside of someone’s window. Great, a peeping Tom alien. He intends to premiere this Friday. It sounds awfully Hollywood to me. I wonder if this will be a red carpet affair. Apparently the video, is supposed to become part of an upcoming documentary about earth being invaded by aliens from outer space. He claims the video is authentic and is part of what convinced him of the current need for action in Denver. "As impressive as it is, it's still one tiny portion in the context of a vast amount of peripheral evidence," he said Wednesday. "It's really the final visual confirmation of what you already know to be true having seen all the other evidence." It sounds pretty vague and what other evidence? He says he will show the video to City officials and media on Friday. This blog will be checking in on that. "It shows an extraterrestrial's head popping up outside of a window at night, looking in the window, that's visible through an infrared camera. The alien is about 4 feet tall and can be seen blinking,” Peckman said. If they’re only four feet tall, they don’t sound like much of a threat. Why were they there with infrared? Were they expecting it? Had it given prior notice of its arrival? Was this an RSVP? Here’s the thing that gets me. No one will be allowed to film the presentation Friday because there is some kind of deal in place for it regarding the documentary. What documentary? Who’s doing it? Even before I see it, this sounds staged to me as well as bought and paid for. This certainly is a way to get publicity for a small budget film. Maybe it’s trying to be another “Blair Witch Project.” How about “Voyeur Aliens From Space” or maybe it’s something like “Aliens Gone Wild.” Whatever it is we’re, going to be following this new illegal alien issue.http://www.rockymountainnews.com/news/2008/may/28/purported-ufo-video-be-shown-friday/

ROBOTS TO STIR SOUP

In Britain a $2 million dollar grant has been awarded to a company to develop a robot that can stir soup. Why does this seem stupid to me? It is funded by the European Commission and they feel it is a way to introduce robots into the service industry. I guess Americans aren’t the only ones that have to deal with government waste. Besides, aren’t these jobs supposed to be done by illegal immigrants? Bristol Robotics Lab in England is the lucky winner of the cash. "It will specifically look at the problems of a human and a robot working together in the same space, for example in a kitchen where the service robot is performing a task such as stirring soup, while you add cream." Let’s see, the economy is going into the toilet, unemployment is everywhere and you’re going to develop a robot that helps take away the few jobs that are out there. Am I missing something here? Why can’t we develop a robot that maybe runs into burning buildings or searches for earthquake victims? “Excuse me, call in Robby the Robot, soup’s on.” Lab director Professor Chris Melhuish explained: "When we interact with other humans we are interpreting facial expression, body position, gestures, tone of voice as well as sharing a goal and understanding and following verbal instructions. For example in the soup situation, not only does the robot need to know what the goal is but he also needs to know how hard to stir the soup, what it means when you hold up your hand to say enough, to interpret the look of pain on your face if you accidentally get splashed with hot soup, and to stop stirring when told. This project aims to develop the rules we need to introduce this level of sophistication into service robots who are working closely with people." Ok, I’m beginning to detect some issues here. Somebody doesn’t like working with people. Man, you need to get out more. Have you thought of dating. Is the soup bad in England? I mean, c’mon, you eat pickled eels and serve coffee (civit coffee) made from cat poop. How good can your cuisine be? The only thing palatable in England is the beer and that’s got alcohol to sterilize it. Just what I need is a robot bringing me my meal that whines like C3PO. “Oh my, I can speak 1000 languages and I’m stirring soup. R2, don’t touch that. R2 don’t go in there. Oh my no you’ve done it, the soup’s scorched.” What about the customers? “Oh waiter, there’s a microprocessor in my soup.” Robotic research fine. A robot to stir my soup? Get a real project.
http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=147434&in_page_id=2

COP BUSTED FOR PARKING IN HANDICAPPED AT DONUT SHOP

Have you ever thought, hmm. I’ll only be a minute so I’ll just grab the handicapped spot? Sure, you have. You may not have done it, but you’ve thought it. In Missassauga, Ontario a police officer thought that and got caught. He decided to run into a Tim Horton’s coffee and donut shop, grab a cup of coffee and a sweet treat and run right back out. No problem right? Just as he ran in, a double amputee from Sault Sainte Marie, Canada pulls up. "I was shocked," said Gerard Taylor, "I said, 'Quick, we have got to get a picture.'" This was one cop that was in the wrong place at the wrong time. We all know that coffee and donuts is a high priority for these guys. Lesson for the day: I have to admit, I live on the Canadian border, Tim Horton’s coffee is awesome, but certainly a 20-foot walk probably would have done this cop some good. It’s called exercise. Yes, you too can get off you butt and actually get your blood moving for about 30 seconds in prelude to that cholesterol laden taste treat that you’re about to stuff in your head. According to Taylor the cop was only there for a couple of minutes, he thinks someone told him he’d been caught, but it’s the principle of the thing that has him irked. There’s nothing worse than caught in the act. "He was only parked there for 90 seconds because I think someone told him about us snickering and talking about taking a picture, so he left without even a coffee in hand," he said. "Still, that is 90 seconds of a handicapped person's life that is already hard enough. It's the principle." Only time will tell if the police department will actually do something with this lazy cop, especially now that it’s made the news with a picture and they are publicly embarrassed. Taylor calls himself one of the unofficial “accessibility police.” He lurks about just waiting for those moments of “I’ll just be a minute.” Yes in this day and age of cellphones with cameras, compact video recorders and the like, you’d better watch yourself. Those handicapped spots are under surveillance. The Accessibility Police will get you. Even if you are the police. Beware the temptation of the handicapped spot.

http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2008/05/24/5658436-sun.html

FIDO GETS XEROXED

A northern California biotech company has announced that it will hold five online auctions to have your dog cloned. Yes now you can get copies of your favorite fido. The only thing is that the minimum bid is $100,000. Well, that’s a bit steep to pay for a dog, even if it is genetically engineered. The place is BioArts International located in Mill Valley, CA. It is the brainchild of Lou Hawthorne, and the research is led by Hwang Woo Suk a South Korean scientist who suffered international disgrace for having faked his research. OK, let me get this straight, you want me to pay over 100 grand to clone my dog with a guy who’s a known fraud. They must be operating from the theory that there’s a sucker born every minute. People are up in arms about this because they think this is the first step to human cloning. I think this is the least of their worries. Hawthorne used to run a company called Genetic Savings and Clone, but it folded when they tried to get people to clone their cats for $50,000. They had few takers and went bankrupt. Now he’s back and has set his sights on dogs. "The average dog owner has a different relationship with his dog than the average cat owner," Hawthorne said. "The level of intensity on the dog side just dwarfed what we saw on the cat side." In other words, he thinks they’re easier to fleece. I haven’t found out yet where the online auctions are to be held, but I’m hoping Ebay will refuse this one. The guy just doesn’t have good feedback. Of course there always those out there that have too much money and no sense. It’s not the research I object, though god knows we have enough normal pets in the world that people don’t want already, but it’s the man’s reputation. I think maybe hwang ought to consider horticulture. BioArts said in a statement it has been granted the sole license for cloning dogs, cats and endangered species using patented processes developed for the cloning of Dolly the sheep, the first successfully cloned animal. Ok someone isn’t paying attention to the background here. We have a previously failed company and a fly-by night scientist. This thing screams plot for a bad “B” sci-fi movie, Attack of the Clone Dogs. Well, at least something is still being made in America. Step right up, get your preordered dog, use our handy drive-thru window. Would you like a happy meal with that?
http://news.aol.com/story/_a/company-will-clone-dogs-for-top-bidders/20080522093409990002?icid=100214839x1202690249x1200106843

STONER FAILS TO SEE COP WHEN BARTERING WITH POT

First rule, when you go into the party store to pay for your munchies, make sure you have enough money. Second rule, if you don’t, put something back. Third rule, look around at your surroundings. Fourth rule, and this is the big one, don’t try to pay with pot when a cop is standing behind you in line. Take Wade Churchward of Wellington, New Zealand for instance, actually, don’t the guy’s too loaded, you wouldn’t want him. He had apparently been drinking, getting stoned and had an attack of the screaming munchies. Personally I would have gone to find an all-you-can-eat buffet here, but to each his own. He pulls into a local party store to cure his all consuming problem. His mind is focused on one objective, food, food. He picks up two packages of M&Ms and some potato chips. This is a very sensible stoner diet. So far so good. When he goes to the cashier to pay for it, he realizes he doesn’t have enough money to pay for it. Red, Flag, Red Flag. Time to resort to the barter system. He reaches into his pocket and finds something he thinks he can trade. So far, not so good. Here we get to Churchward’s prime error. He had apparently failed to notice the police vehicle parked outside the building and the police officer that had taken his place in line right behind him. Ooops. Actually, big ooops. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small sack of marijuana and the pipe to smoke it in and asks if the store clerk is willing to trade. The police officer behind him slaps on the cuffs. No kidding, what a surprise. That’s enough to turn any day into a fast bummer. He pleaded guilty in District Court to possessing marijuana. Yes, that one is going to be a little hard to argue. Even Perry Mason isn’t getting him out of this one. Churchward was released on bail and will be sentenced on July 3. I wonder if they allowed him to barter that. “Dudes, I’ve got a kilo I’ll trade for bail.” Marijuana possession is usually punished by a minor fine in New Zealand. So, next time you go to the store, stupid stoned, check to make sure you have enough money AND LOOK FOR THE COP BEHIND YOU IN LINE! Today’s lesson has been brought to you by Wade Churchward, winner of the coveted “Can’t handle your high” award. Congratulations, your certificate will be arriving in the mail. (I wonder if he’ll read this and actually check for it?)

http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2008/05/20/5617976-ap.html